This Makes My Heart Flutter

Carrie Underwood taking a dive at an Ottawa Senators game (They're a hockey team) is heart warming to my soul. I love it when celebrities put their handbags in front of their faces, hide behind news papers, or even seven eleven coffee filters(see below).

Carrie is apparently bumping nasties with the Senator's player Mike Fisher.

I wonder what Carrie is so worried about anyway. It's not like she can go many places without being photographed, so what the hell is the big deal here?

Maybe she's embarrased because Mike has a small pisher. But only she would know that. Maybe it's a dark dark secret that haunts the core of her soul.

All day and all night she fears "WHAT IF THEY KNOW HOW SMALL HIS PETER IS?! MY CAREER WILL BE OVER."

Whatev, it's probably just your classic I'm too famous for this bullshiz, and Carrie was embarrased it wasn't a Lakers Game or a Bulls Game. I mean, fuck, I didn't even know who the Senators were until I read this story on Dlisted.

Watch Los Angeles' Mega Superstar Angelyne go buck wild crazy at a 7/11 in LA

I Know I'm A Little Late On This One

So this video has already been watched a bazillion times, talked about on Bill O'Reilly and other news outlets (BTW Bill O'Reilly. STFU).

Nothing in this world beats the scream at 0:58. You can tell David has just had enough of the lala world that evil dentist had thrown him into.

BTW... what the hell kind of drugs did they give him, because I want some. I've been under the gas, and that shit usually wears off when they take the mask off?

I wonder if they gave that kid some of the good stuff... some I Dream of Vicodeeny.

Oh, and here's the remix for all y'all true blooded fans.

Joaquin Phoenix Wins Today's Douche Bag Award

Joaquin Phoenix has gone completely batshit crazy.

I know he's tired of acting and wants to go onto music, and that doesn't make him crazy exactly (if you ignore the fact that he's turning down tens of millions per movie role... fucktard). But the beard and the sunglasses during this Letterman interview might just make one hell of an argument to send this mofo to Bellvue Psychiatric Hospital.

He's acting like a complete douche in this interview, and I'm sure he knows it. I'm starting to think his hiatus on acting is just one big act that he's trying to pull. He's probably thinking how anti-establishment he is and how he's so real and cool. I think Letterman is throwing that sort of idea into his face by giving him the total disrespect this chump deserves.

YOU'RE A GOOD ACTOR JOAQUIN. BUT YOU SUCK AS A D-BAG.

Stump Is The Shit

Check him out.

He's a Sussex Spaniel, he's 10 years old, and his name is Stump. Oh yeah, and he's also the hottest dog in the world right now.

Stump recently won best in show at the Westminster Dog Show.

This bitch is amazing. He was the oldest dog to win that shit, and I can't see anyone who could be more deserving.

My mom was particularly happy about the Spaniel win because Stump bares some resemblance to her favorite canine: Detective.

Detective is a cocker spaniel, he's 1 years old, and it's his birthday today.
And if any of you bitches even think a bad thought about him, you will disintegrate as my mother's love for him is ubiquitous. It will strike your ass down like a Catholic lying at confessional.

Why Did Chris Brown Beat The Hell Out Of Rihanna?

Okay, so this story is about as big as Rihanna's forehead.

But WTF? Why the f*$% did he Chris Brown beat a bitch?

There are several scenarios that have been suggested.

One, and my personal favorite, is that Rihanna gave Chris Brown herpes. Now this, to me, sounds the most plausible. Hell, if some bitch gave me the herp herp, i'd probably want to beat them down too. I wouldn't, cause that might aggravate my open sores, but I can understand wanting to beat a bitch down for that.

Two, it was over a text message that Rihanna read of Chris'. Some skank said she was gonna make whoopy with Chris later on and Rihanna put Chris under her Umbrella ella ella of WTF. This theory I'm not so sure about. Although I can totally imagine Rihanna being so ridiculously bitchy that Chris had enough of that bitch and smacked her around a little (i never advocate violence).

There is also a report that says Chris Brown choked Rihanna until she passed out.

Damn, what is wrong with that mofo? I think it's a napolean complex. Motherfucker can't stand his woman being taller than him so he has to show her whats what.

This Bitch Blows Kisses At Me and I GO CRAZY!!!

This is my newest obsession.

Her name is AnnaLynne McCord and she is absolotley hilariously beautiful. Her perm is exquisite and her ability to blow kisses is what makes her so amazery.

yes, I said Amazery.

She's on Nip/Tuck and she's been in other shit, but I only know her from the pictures I've seen of her blowing me kisses (and duh they are for me.)

Here's a red carpet interview with the crazy biatch.

Look how she works it. Her movements say, Back the fuck up bitch, I'm famous!

Chris Brown Beat A Bitch

Something tells me that Rihanna was asking to get the whoop ass laid on her.

I don't think anyone should ever hit anyone, let alone a dude hit a woman, let alone Chris Brown hit Rihanna; but I'm sure she was just wailing away acting like a spoiled little pop star.

Shit, I'll bet she head butted Chris Brown's ass, and that's when he ran off.
That's one kind of head Chris probably doesn't like.

I wonder if Rihanna gives good sucky times. I'll be she doesn't even do it. Hell, if she did, i'm sure her cover girl lipstick wouldn't smudge.

Here's a video about the fat upper pussy area (FUPA).

Rod Blagojevich Is a Sociopath

I can't believe this guy. He gets caught on tape, saying "you can't just give away the senate seat" because "it's too powerful," and then he stages a media tour to say he's innocent and didn't do anything wrong.

Aside from his nice hair, and doable face, i think this guy is a complete douche dick. Yes, worse than a douche bag, he is a douche dick. He is worse than pulling a douche towellete through your peen hole.

I wonder if this guy gets a lot of ladies? I bet he's into some kinky ass shit. Probably some S&M type shit at the least. Fuck, I'd whip the shit out of this douche bag.

Why Can't We Buy Back The Old Britney

Somebody needs to fork up some major money and spend it on rehabbing brit. I don't get it. Doesn't she already have millions of dollars? Can't she buy back her beautiful hair?

Hell, at least she was always a lip-syncher. Cause if she lost her voice too, I don't know what I'd do. But I suppose you can't really go anywhere from lip synching.

Look at the toxic performace above, then look at the womanizer below. The difference is redick dick.

And what's with the hat? It's okay that your hair is really a dead rodent now Brit, the hat doesn't change that, and it looks straight up redick dick. (i'm going to be saying that for a while now). It's like the whole time you're waiting for her to throw the hat into the audience, but she never does. Maybe she forgot?

And look at her face at the end. It's like, "DID I FINISH? IS EVERYTHING OKAY? WHERE ARE MY BABIES?"

Poor brit brit. I can totally relate. That one time when I performed Womanizer on British television was pure torture!

Spencer and Heidi Are Fucking With You

I seriously don't understand the fascination with these two.

They are two idiot douche bags, who prove to the world, over and over, just how retarded they are.

It turns out that their planning a fake divorce for their fake marriage.

A source says, "Spencer is masterminding the whole thing right now. He'll make sure people see him going in and out of a lawyer's office. Then he'll stage fake fights with Heidi for the cameras and talk on the show about getting married too young and pretend he's really conflicted. Spencer will push this as far as he can, but it will all be 100 percent fake. He loves Heidi and will never let her go. They're just always looking for a way to out-drama Lauren Conrad. It's their No. 1 goal in life!"

Spencer and Heidi are just pure fuckery. I wonder what their sex life is like. I bet Spencer likes to pee on Heidi... call it a sneaking suspicion.

Heidi probably listens to whatever Spencer says. "Baby, my piss all over you will make you more attractive than LC."

Below is proof of these two idiots idiocy. It's the music video for Higher that Spencer directed. This horsey horse cannot sing.