Birthday Shoutouts to Carrot Top and Justin Berfield

I can't wait to look at Carrot Top in the future!

Since we all know how much I love the carrot peen, I thought I'd give Carrot Top a special birthday shoutout. The overgrown and SUPER TALENTED comedianne turns 44 today. I hope he gets a special prop for his big day.

Also, to 8th grade science fair partner, Justin Berfield, who played Reese on Malcom in the Middle and Ross on Unhappily Ever After (great show from the 90's) turns 23 today.

I just want to say thanks Justin, for building that entire bullshit radio by yourself.

OCTO MOMMY PORN!!!!!!

This news has made my morning so much brighter. *sighs with happiness*

Nadya Suleman, aka OCTOMOMMY!!!! (yes, OCTOMOMMY!!!! needs at least four exclamations marks) has been offered the deal of a lifetime.

The Angie look-a-like has just been offered $1 million to do a porno for Vivid entertainment. Apparantley there's a big market for stretch mark porn.

Also, if OCTOMOMMY!!!! agrees to become a contract girl, they'll give all her kids full medical and dental coverage. Shit, I need to call Vivid and ask if they'll sign me up.

I doubt OCTOMOMMY!!!! will do it, though. She is far too classy. If you take the class of Angelina Jolie, Julie Andrews, and Audrey Hepburn, you've only got half of the class of OCTOMOMMY!!!! giant va jay jay.

OCTOMOMMY!!!! I heart u.

Below is a vintage pic of Nadya and two of her billion kids with the ever handsome Chuckie of Chuck-E-Cheese Fame.

Rachel Bilson and Gayden Christenhomo are engaged?

This is such a dissapointment. I wanted Rachel to continue having nerd sex with Adam Brody forever and ever and ever.

They could have had little half nerd half pug (i believe Rachel's mother was a pug) babies. But no, she had to 'jump' into Gayden Christensen's panties and make whoopy with him.

This is like a B+ lister couple. It's like, neither of them have done anything wrong. And they're both deeeecent (although I know some girls and boys who would cream Jello Pudding out their pants for Hayden)its like, I have to force myself to care about this.

When I found out Nicole Ritchie was preggers I was like, OMGZ. And now that I find out these two celebitys (thats not a typo) are engaged, I'm like, well, I guess I COULD post it.

But I won't leave you without a kitty picture (i'm way into the LOL CATS lately.)

Solange Taking A Nap At An Airport Terminal

Beyonce's B-Lister little sister (haha that rhymes) passed out after taking some Nyquil on a plane the other day. So here is the picture.

Say nighty nighty solange!

Brought Back Down To Earth

One of my bitches just bitch slapped me, reminding me that lady gaga is the shizat.

And now, of course, i'm just da da doo doo duh duh dancing.

Thanks Nicky boy.

Check out this amazing performance below.

Lady Gaga's Brain is just a Hello Kittie Doll

I don't know what I think about this. I think it's almost cool, but the Hello Kitty just brings up Mariah Crazy Carey in my mind, and then I start to remember the movie glitter and I get all sad sad in my pee pee (Don't ask why, my pee pee is sensitive).

I guess it's cool that Lady GooGooplex is doing something different? Is it different? Perez Hilton said it was Andy Warhol-esque.

Oh yeah, Perez Hilton's brain is made of a hello kitty doll too!

Robert Pattinson and Natalie Portman Are Butt Buddies?

I don't know if Robert has used Natalies bum bum as a warm place yet, but I do know that Pattinson was supposedly very excited to see Ms. Portman. Pattinson's friend said the hunky vampire used "whisky and Natalie" Portman to keep him cool on Oscar night.

This story is actually pretty retarded. I just thought it sounded good at first.

Robert, you belong with me. Contact me Robert and we can spend the rest of our lives together in bloody bliss.

I Couldn't Call My Self Octo-Mommy's #1 Fan if I Didn't Post This

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Marilyn Manson has a Bloody Vampire Peen

Okay, so the title has little to do with this post, but I enjoyed typing "bloody vampire peen."

I guess Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson are fuck buddies/ boyfriends/ "a couple" again. Even though neither of them have any reflections, and can't go out in the daylight, paparazzi managed to catch the two leaving a Hotel in Los Angeles together.

Page Six says Marilyn was caught in a lobby by some press when he told them he was "waiting for my girlfriend." And then two minutes later, after she could finish the harpy blood she was guzzling in the bathroom, Evan came out and they drove off together.

I wonder if Marilyn is a top or a bottom? I bet he likes to have his man pussy prodded. And Evan like to feel like the male vampire.

Dees, I'm sure of.

Quote of the Day via Perez Hilton

"[Partying] is what I do for a living. I get paid to go to events and parties, and it’s fun."

- Paris Hilton tells the NY Daily News


I don't know whether to slap her across the face or to kiss her deflated whoopie cushion ass and beg that she be my friend.

Internal Debate:
Would I rather spend time with a blow up doll and get to party for a living.... or have a dump taken on me by Kim Zolciak of the real Housewives of Atlanta?