Chris Brown Faces Felony Charges... No Surprise There

Don't let the puppy or that sweet little smile fool you, this dude is a woman beater.

There ain't no way around it. No way to make it sound better. Chris Brown will beat a bitch and that's a fact.

Brown has been charged with two felonies, including assault likely to cause bodily injury and making criminal threats, according to court documents.

You know, he'll probably get some sort of deal, maybe go to jail for 72 minutes or some shit, but fuck, I think he deserves at least 6 months or more. This kid needs to be taught a lesson.

The sad facts of this case are (1) that Rihanna got back with him and (2) that he's probably going to do this again.

You know how they say "Once a cheater always a cheater"? Well, I think this saying also applies "Once a beater, always a beater."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This shit is funny.

Kristen Stewart Is The Baddest Bitch

Kristen Stewart is the shit. Seriously. She could give a fuck about any of you motherfuckers. Fuck, if she read this, she'd probably say "fuck that homo." And I'd be like, hellz yeah.

Ms. Stewart said recently, about her role in Twilight, that "It would be so easy for me to send so many hundreds of girls into such a frenzy by saying I want no part of any future [Twilight] movies."

She's damn right. She's the shit, and she knows it. I love bitches like that. When I'm drizunk, sometimes I'm like that, but my cahones (balls) are only so grande.

I like Kristen for more than her gloriously "I could give a fuck" attitude. She also smokes down.



Oh, and will somebody please tell Perez Hilton to STFU (shut the fuck up). All I want is the gossip P-fat, not your broke ass opinion. I love to hate this bitch.

In this months ELLE, Reese Witherspoon drops a hint that gays across the world are going to be reading way too much into. She actually opened her wax lips about her butt buddy Jake Gyllenhall saying "He's fabulous. He really is a fantastic guy."

A lot of us have suspected that Jakey was FABULOUS since Donnie Darko, this just confirms it. I knew it and now my peen is doing a victory dance and shouting JAKE JAKE JAKE!

No, actually, my penis still has gin and tonic dick from last night and my head feels like Khloe Kardashian sat on it all night while I was sleeping.

When will I learn... To drink a water in between drinks!

Kanye, Why Are You Such A Douche?

Mr. Kan- "I'm not gay" West has proven once again what a smoke filled douche bag he is.

The rapper/fashionista/douchebag recently said these humble words:

"I do have an ego and rightfully so. I think people should have an ego. Think about it - I don't offend people, I don't put anyone down. Do I name names or bring people down? That's not my thing. But I give myself big-ups. I feel good about the music I make. God chose me. He made a path for me. I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."

His greatest pain? Whatafuckingdouchebag. I don't know how many times I can use the word douche bag in one post, but Kanye definitley will push that number to the limit.

Douchebag Douchebag Douchebag.

Geez.

Besides Kanye, if you want to see yourself "perform" do what I do... use a fucking mirror.

Lohan Does Madonna... Much Better Than She Does Marilyn

I actually like this picture of Lindsay Cokehan doing Madonna. It's spot on if Madonna were a cokey, alcoholic lezzie for-hire.

Lindsay makes me feel sad, because its like we all know she will never get her shit together. She's just going to keep on boozing and blowing nose candy and eating coochie (well, the last one might not lead to her downfall... it would lead to mine though).

Let's all say a prayer for Lindsay. I pray that this Ms. Cokehan becomes a good actress and does less blow (praying for her to stop completely would be like praying for unicorns to fall from the sky... although...)

Rihanna and Chris: The Passion, The Drama... They're Back Together Almost For Sure

Sources (and by sources, I mean DListed) tell me the couple is stowed away in the confines of The Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills.

This is some fuckery. Chris Brown should be taking it in the bum from some guy named Chainsaw. He beat a bitch, and now he's back in the lap of luxury and back in the lap of the bitch he beat.

Seriously, there is a syndrome for what Rihanna is doing. It's something where a bitch gets beat, then the guy that beats her says sorry, and she feels sorry for him, and then he beats her ass again. Well Rihanna, you've been warned by every gossip blog from Perez to this junky ass piece of shit: STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM CHRIS BROWN!

Next time that girl gets a beat down, I'll still feel sad, but I'll also roll my eyes and give her an mmmhmmm... I told you so.

This is Amazery

This is Pinky the pink dolphin. Yes, this is an actual pink dolphin, the gays didn't have one dyed for PRIDE.

Pinky is an albino dolphin, which is why he's so pink.

He was discovered in Louisiana in 2007 and he's been gaying up the waters ever since. You know all the other homo dolphins are totally jealous. I hope the jock dolphins don't bash on him.

Actually, Pinky is straight. REALLY! See, you don't even believe it, think about how Pinky feels.

Poor Pinky. I still love you Pinky. In a totally hetero, non beastiality kind of way.

Man Accused Of Stuffing Cat Into Bong

That man was busted stuffing his 6 month old cat into that box thingy he calls a bong (fuck, i've made bongs out of weirder shit).

Here's the caption from the AP "Acea Schomaker, of Lincoln, Neb., right, faces animal cruelty charges after deputies say they caught him smoking marijuana from a bong contraption, left, that had a cat stuffed inside"

I'm sorry, but this is almost an LOL cat situation. If you could see the kitty in the bong.... 420 kitty Is In UR BONG!

or Stoner Kitty Like to Hot ur Box!

I'm eternally laughing (as well as disgusted) inside.

Authorities say he will be charged for animal abuse, which he should be.

DO NOT SMOKE UP YOUR PETS BOYS AND GIRLS!

Fry That Chicken... Fry That Chicken...

Mrs. Peaches Lays it down in this jam. I swear, this is the jam of the summer (even though it was released two and a half years ago).

I want a piece of that chicken. It's probably way better than the millionth double beef burrito from taco bell I had today!