Mrs. Cruise, I'm Trying To Watch K-Stew and R-Patts

So Katie Holmes walks in to this joint, a New Moon screening in New York, and she's all, talking with her friends throughout the entire movie.

Was she on the bad shit?
Maybe she was just malfunctioning. Tommy probably forgot to upgrade her to Windows 7!

Why didn't Suri lay down on this biatch?

Anyways, below is a reenactment of Katie at the scene.

She's Still Got It

Janet outdoes Britney. No question.

This Song Encourages Victorian Ideals

One man to one woman. This is bullshit. BULLSHIT!

As if every woman needs a man. Those 4 lovely ladies don't need those three greasy boys and their gay gay papa. They need to learn some skills! You know, some useful skills to make them productive citizens.

If you ask me, Alice was the only biznatch with any sense. That broad kept that house spic and span. That's not easy to do with SIX (count 'em), SIX ungrateful, smoking, broken nosed, jealous, stupid (the little girl), horny (greg), pubescent, and ugly (...) brats.

If you ask me, they ought to update this show and make it useful to kids today. Hit the books. Become a doctor, and don't do blow! (I'm looking at you Marcia!!!)

Those awful Brady kids could have learned a thing or two from the other on-air family.



Now I know they both sang and danced, but at least the theme song to the Partidge Family doesn't encourage prostitution!

Be Free. Be Jonas

There is now an unoffical 4th Jonas Brother. Some Spanish dude lost his cahonies and rushed the stage at a JoBro concert in Madrid.

"Ay Ay Ay. Caliente," he thought before he lost it and jumped the stage. Dude actually has some good stage presence. Much better than the ugly one, or the diabetes one, or, well, any of them actually. Give this dude a record deal!

A Test

Quiznos Is Only Good For A Little While, Then You Have To Switch

What is it with these "real" pictures that make food look so unappetizing.

I feel like asking what companies do to their food to make it look so appetizing is one of those questions you start to ask with vigor, and after a while, you lose interest.

WE NEED TO TAKE A STAND!

What sort of delicious chemicals are being put into commercial food and why aren't they putting them in my meal?

This is what a Quizno's commercial meatball sub looks like:



Come to think of it, for 2.99, I don't care what it looks like.

Another Retro Barbie Doll Becomes A Housewife

The oldie lady with the large vv is the newest Real Housewife of New York, replacing the newly departed Bethenny Frankel, who is now set to appear in her won Bravo show. That'll show those other bitches that Bethenny and her "parting of the red sea" hair can do whatever they want. The newbie's name is Sonja somethingorother. Really, who gives a shit? (not me!!!!!! I swear. Don't look at me like that!)

Kiyah!

Rumor has it that Bethenny and Jill Zarin, of the Housewives of New York, are no longer talking since Frankel's split from the show. Jealous much? Uh.. duh.

Jill is probably squeezing out the last of her worry lines with botox as we speak.

Poor, poor, rich ho.

If you ask me, they should have just replaced Bethenny with Beaker the muppet. It would have been much more interesting. Finally, there would be someone with something to say. And more dramz!

Kelsey Grammer Relapses

WTF Kelsey Grammer? No thank you. Good day sir.

I said good day!

Here It Is World!

It's purrty good!

It's about a threesome.

I bet you'd think different about Brit Brit after being in a 3some with her.

Now THIS Is It!

Britney's new single is coming out. Since I'm Jewish and have never fully celebrated Christmas, whenever Britney launches a debut single, it's like my Christmas.

3, ladies and homos. 3. 3. 3.