Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Brain- Lady Gaga- Full Version

Watch it.

Rihanna Is Just Askin For Another Ass Whoopin

Rumor has it that Rihanna has taken her assaulter back into her alien arms.

A source close to the couple said, "They're together again. They care for each other. While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves."

You know, Sometimes I just want to smack bitches upside the head. (Though in this case I guess that would be a little redundant). Rihanna likes it rough I guess.

She's officially changing the name of her hit song to:

"Please Dont Stop The Beating"

Who knew Alien Princesses loved to get the smack down laid on they asses. If she takes him back, not only will people hate Chris Brown, they'll think Rihanna is dumb!

I mean, we're talking the rocket scientist Rihanna!

I know the pussy below doesn't fit exactly with the story. But c'mon. LOL!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Brady and Bundchen Get married.... Do I really care?

Tom Gaydy and Gisele Buttchin got married yesterday (Thursday) and no one really cared.

These two actually have their shit together. If they were cracked up messes, I'm sure I might have a slight interest, but who cares when two mentally stable adults decide to get married?

Please, tell me... WHO?!

I know I have a problem. i'm sort of working on it.

Eddie McMahon Is In Da Hospital

While all of you reading this, probably know the name and the face of Ed McMahon, many of you may not know why he is famous. Well, he was Johnny Carson's sidekick on the original Tonight Show.

Ed is 85, and he turns 86 on March 6th, so he's getting up there.

Ed's spokesman said "Ed's a big, strong, hearty guy and his family and I are hopeful and optimistic about his prognosis."

Don't really know what that means, but we wish him a quick and easy recovery.

He needs the kitty healer!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

It's Always Sunny in Los Angeles

I just found out the cast of It's Always Funny in Philadelphia is performing their riveting musical "The Nightman Cometh".

They'll be performing at The Troubador in West Hollywood on April 17. Click here to get tickets, though they won't go on sale until tomorrow.

This play has everything you want, from Boy's holes (souls) To Danny Devito singing "The Troll Toll"

I need to get to LA to see this.

Seinfeld Part Two

Jerry Seinfeld is slated to star in a new reality series for NBC.

It's supposedly going to be titled Marriage Ref. It will consist of Jerry, a panel of celebrities, comedians, and athletes, who judge marital disputes and then decide on a solution.

This shiz sounds like Divorce Court. Fuck, it probably won't even be close to as good as Divorce Court (before lame FOX fired the HBIC of that show Mablean Ephriam).

Seinfeld won't be the host of this shiz or anything. He'll be mostly the creator/producer/HBIC of this shit.

I'm sorry, but this does not sound interesting or exciting at all.

Bring back Judge Ephriam!!!

Jonathan Rhys Meyers: Back To Rehab

Yes, the hot piece of ass you see above has checked himself into rehab... again.

The kid apparantley has some childhood issues, and in 2005 did a stint in Promises in California. That shit is like a resort. Seriuosly y'all, if you get famous and get a drug problem, you get to go to a resort for a few weeks where they give you massages and virgin daquaris...

virgin... fuck that. Like they say, I only have a drinking problem when I don't have a drink.

But seriously, let's all rally behind Mr Meyers, because he's a great actor, and he's fine as all hell.

But I love how celebrities think they can snort massive amounts of cocaine in a Limo, get out, and no one will notice.

I mean, look at Mr. Meyers in the pic below. He's either blackout drunk, or Yazzed.
(still sexy though)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

WTF????? Obama ain't gay.

I don't know whether to post my number for B-Rock or to just sit here and cotemplate my own existance.

This quote comes from The Globe article

"PRESIDENT Barack Obama is caught up in a new gay sex and drug scandal - and his loving wife is heartbroken, sources tell GLOBE in a blockbuster world exclusive. Find out all the details of the letter Michelle Obama received from the MAN who claims to be her husband's lover - and how America's devastated First Lady is fighting back against a shocking new tell-all book. It's must reading!"

If these allegations are true, America needs to buck the fuck up, stick their thumbs in their asses, and get the hell over it. We've got an economy to save.

So who cares is Obama took it in the bum?

Do you?

Obama is America's Sweetheart

B-Rock Obama's first speech to Congress, which aired on network TV Tuesday night pulled in a 24.5 market household rating across the four major broadcast networks.

For all y'all who is like WTF? That's a lot.

That's about the same ratings American Idol gets.

Shit, this isn't a surprise to me. B-Rock is mah boo. He so sexy. He so eloquent. I mean, he is so eloqent (sorry boo).

But seriously, nice to have a president who we all love to watch for the right reasons.

And on that note, I was watching CSI Miami cause my roomate is freaking addicted to it. It was this creepy episode where this dude killed his therapist for "not being there for him."

I used to think about going into psychology, but then I realize I only give a shit about my own damn problems.

I know I have to stop with the LOLCatz, but I can't help it. It's like I need my fix. And there's one for every situation.

Another Quote of the Day Via Perez: Lady Gaga Gives Brit Brit Props

"She’s a nice girl – I just feel very honoured that she wanted to sing my song. I used to scream for her in Times Square and now I work for her. When I was 13 she was the most provocative performer of my time. I love her so much! Britney certainly doesn’t need any freakin’ tips from me! Britney Spears is the queen of pop. I was learning from her."

- Lady GagGa, tells Now magazine, about writing Quicksand for Britney's new album, Circus

Thanks Perez, you well-endowed-in-the-belly area homosexual! kisses!

Hey Straight Guys, Megan Fox is Single... and she smokes down!

Megan Fox, my horny straight male friends, is now on the prowl for some new peen. She must have gotten sick of nibbling on Brian Austin Green's chi chis

According to USWeekly, a source says ,"The relationship had run its course. It's completely amicable, and they are remaining friends."

That's too bad, because I think Brian Austin Green, aka David Silver is a fine piece. And I'm sure he still has a penny or two after shooting 10 seasons of 9021-ho.
They had to pay that mofo way extra to make out with Tori Spelling anyway.

Dees. I am sure of.

Birthday Shoutouts to Carrot Top and Justin Berfield

I can't wait to look at Carrot Top in the future!

Since we all know how much I love the carrot peen, I thought I'd give Carrot Top a special birthday shoutout. The overgrown and SUPER TALENTED comedianne turns 44 today. I hope he gets a special prop for his big day.

Also, to 8th grade science fair partner, Justin Berfield, who played Reese on Malcom in the Middle and Ross on Unhappily Ever After (great show from the 90's) turns 23 today.

I just want to say thanks Justin, for building that entire bullshit radio by yourself.


This news has made my morning so much brighter. *sighs with happiness*

Nadya Suleman, aka OCTOMOMMY!!!! (yes, OCTOMOMMY!!!! needs at least four exclamations marks) has been offered the deal of a lifetime.

The Angie look-a-like has just been offered $1 million to do a porno for Vivid entertainment. Apparantley there's a big market for stretch mark porn.

Also, if OCTOMOMMY!!!! agrees to become a contract girl, they'll give all her kids full medical and dental coverage. Shit, I need to call Vivid and ask if they'll sign me up.

I doubt OCTOMOMMY!!!! will do it, though. She is far too classy. If you take the class of Angelina Jolie, Julie Andrews, and Audrey Hepburn, you've only got half of the class of OCTOMOMMY!!!! giant va jay jay.

OCTOMOMMY!!!! I heart u.

Below is a vintage pic of Nadya and two of her billion kids with the ever handsome Chuckie of Chuck-E-Cheese Fame.

Rachel Bilson and Gayden Christenhomo are engaged?

This is such a dissapointment. I wanted Rachel to continue having nerd sex with Adam Brody forever and ever and ever.

They could have had little half nerd half pug (i believe Rachel's mother was a pug) babies. But no, she had to 'jump' into Gayden Christensen's panties and make whoopy with him.

This is like a B+ lister couple. It's like, neither of them have done anything wrong. And they're both deeeecent (although I know some girls and boys who would cream Jello Pudding out their pants for Hayden)its like, I have to force myself to care about this.

When I found out Nicole Ritchie was preggers I was like, OMGZ. And now that I find out these two celebitys (thats not a typo) are engaged, I'm like, well, I guess I COULD post it.

But I won't leave you without a kitty picture (i'm way into the LOL CATS lately.)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Solange Taking A Nap At An Airport Terminal

Beyonce's B-Lister little sister (haha that rhymes) passed out after taking some Nyquil on a plane the other day. So here is the picture.

Say nighty nighty solange!

Brought Back Down To Earth

One of my bitches just bitch slapped me, reminding me that lady gaga is the shizat.

And now, of course, i'm just da da doo doo duh duh dancing.

Thanks Nicky boy.

Check out this amazing performance below.

Lady Gaga's Brain is just a Hello Kittie Doll

I don't know what I think about this. I think it's almost cool, but the Hello Kitty just brings up Mariah Crazy Carey in my mind, and then I start to remember the movie glitter and I get all sad sad in my pee pee (Don't ask why, my pee pee is sensitive).

I guess it's cool that Lady GooGooplex is doing something different? Is it different? Perez Hilton said it was Andy Warhol-esque.

Oh yeah, Perez Hilton's brain is made of a hello kitty doll too!

Robert Pattinson and Natalie Portman Are Butt Buddies?

I don't know if Robert has used Natalies bum bum as a warm place yet, but I do know that Pattinson was supposedly very excited to see Ms. Portman. Pattinson's friend said the hunky vampire used "whisky and Natalie" Portman to keep him cool on Oscar night.

This story is actually pretty retarded. I just thought it sounded good at first.

Robert, you belong with me. Contact me Robert and we can spend the rest of our lives together in bloody bliss.

I Couldn't Call My Self Octo-Mommy's #1 Fan if I Didn't Post This

Marilyn Manson has a Bloody Vampire Peen

Okay, so the title has little to do with this post, but I enjoyed typing "bloody vampire peen."

I guess Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson are fuck buddies/ boyfriends/ "a couple" again. Even though neither of them have any reflections, and can't go out in the daylight, paparazzi managed to catch the two leaving a Hotel in Los Angeles together.

Page Six says Marilyn was caught in a lobby by some press when he told them he was "waiting for my girlfriend." And then two minutes later, after she could finish the harpy blood she was guzzling in the bathroom, Evan came out and they drove off together.

I wonder if Marilyn is a top or a bottom? I bet he likes to have his man pussy prodded. And Evan like to feel like the male vampire.

Dees, I'm sure of.

Quote of the Day via Perez Hilton

"[Partying] is what I do for a living. I get paid to go to events and parties, and it’s fun."

- Paris Hilton tells the NY Daily News

I don't know whether to slap her across the face or to kiss her deflated whoopie cushion ass and beg that she be my friend.

Internal Debate:
Would I rather spend time with a blow up doll and get to party for a living.... or have a dump taken on me by Kim Zolciak of the real Housewives of Atlanta?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Brit Brit Update: Sam Lufti is trying To Free Brit

After being accused of trying to harm Britney Spears, with Daddy Spears going as far as to file a restraining order against him and Adnan Ghalib, Sam Lufti is speaking out and suing like a mofo.

Lufti claims that Brit Brit is reaching out to him via text's, which, he admits he responded to, against the legal authority of the restraining order.

Lufti's lawyer (can he afford that?) told People mag, "I don't think anyone would want to have on public record allegations of behavior that weren't committed. A restraining order is to protect someone against stalkers and people who want to commit violence, and that description doesn't fit my client."

Pepaw Spears and his legal team say that Lufti and Adnan are trying to "disrupt the conservatorship with utter disregard for Ms. Spears's health and well being."

Lufti allegedly sent a message which said, "I've done everything I can to free her from the conservatorship. Very close to getting her free now."

You know, Brit Brit looks like she's doing well. She's staying out of trouble as far as the media can tell, and that's a good thing. But if she really wants out of the conservatorship... should they let her?

I just want Britney to be happy. (Gawd, I am so gay)

I posted the second version of the Overprotected video cause I luvs it.

Ring Pop

Remember these?

You can buy them here.

I'm just letting you know cause I know some of y'all are into your nostalgia.

Judges Gave Harsh Sentences To Kids For Cash

This pisses me off, royally.

14 year old Phillip Swartley was at a friends sleepover when he decided to go stealing change from unlocked cars.

That's not cool, but neither was the punishment.

The judge slapped him with 8 months in a detention facility. 8 MONTHS! I don't think you'd get 8 months if you were an adult doing that shiz. Fuck, I don't think you'd get eight months if you stole $200.

This is even dumber.

Another teenager, 15 year old Hillary Transue (pictured above) was accused of mocking a principal on her MySpace and was sentenced to go to a wilderness camp. WTF is that? Seriously. That is some grade A bullshiz.

These judges ought to be sentenced to two years of constant sodomy, performed by this dude (NSFW- not safe for work. Mom, don't click that either.)

Turns out the douche judges accepted more than $2.6 million from youth detention centers for sending these kiddies to jail jail. They'd been doing it since 2002. And now they're busted and off to jail jail.

The Academy Award Weiners

Good choices academy. But I'm just surprised that Penelope Cruz won. I didn't see the movie, but really?

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"The Reader"
"Slumdog Millionaire" (Winner)

Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie, "Changeling"
Melissa Leo, "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep, "Doubt"
Kate Winslet, "The Reader" (Winner)

Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn, "Milk" (Winner)
Brad Pitt, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler"
Richard Jenkins, "The Visitor"

Amy Adams, "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" (Winner)
Viola Davis, "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler"

Josh Brolin, "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr., "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt"
Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight" (Winner)
Michael Shannon, "Revolutionary Road"

Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire" (Winner)
Stephen Daldry, "The Reader"
David Fincher, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Ron Howard, "Frost/Nixon"
Gus Van Sant, "Milk"

Dustin Lance Black, "Milk" (Winner)
Courtney Hunt, "Frozen River"
Mike Leigh, "Happy-Go-Lucky"
Martin McDonagh, "In Bruges"
Andrew Stanton, and Jim Reardon; original story by Stanton and Pete Docter"WALL-E"

Simon Beaufoy, "Slumdog Millionaire" (Winner)
David Hare, "The Reader"
Peter Morgan, "Frost/Nixon"
John Patrick Shanley, "Doubt"
Eric Roth, Robin Swicord, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

"The Baader-Meinhof Complex" (Germany)
"The Class" (France)
"Departures" (Japan) (Winner)
"Revanche" (Austria)
"Waltz with Bashir" (Israel)

"Kung Fu Panda"
"WALL-E" (Winner)

"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button" (Winner)
"The Dark Knight"
"The Duchess"
"Revolutionary Road"

"Changeling" Tom Stern
"Slumdog Millionaire," Anthony Dod Mantle (Winner)
"The Reader," Chris Menges
"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Claudio Miranda
"The Dark Knight," Wally Pfister

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall
"The Dark Knight," Lee Smith
"Frost/Nixon," Daniel P. Hanley, Mike Hill
"Milk," Elliot Graham
"Slumdog Millionaire," Chris Dickens (Winner)

"Australia," Catherine Martin
"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Jacqueline West
"The Duchess," Michael O'Conner (Winner)
"Milk", Danny Glicker
"Revolutionary Road," Albert Wolsky

"The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)"
"Encounters at the End of the World"
"The Garden"
"Man on Wire" (Winner)
"Trouble the Water"


"Slumdog Millionaire," "Jai Ho" (Winner)
"Slumdog Millionaire," "O Saya"
"WALL-E," "Down To Earth"

"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Alexandre Desplat
"Defiance," James Newton Howard
"Milk," Danny Elfman
"Slumdog Millionaire," A.R. Rahman (Winner)
"WALL-E," Thomas Newman

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,"(Winner)
"The Dark Knight,"
"Hellboy II: The Golden Army,"

"The Dark Knight"(Winner)
"Iron Man"
"Slumdog Millionaire"

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"The Dark Knight"
"Slumdog Millionaire" (Winner)

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (Winner)
"The Dark Knight"
"Iron Man"

"Auf der Strecke (On the Line)"
"Manon on the Asphalt"
"New Boy"
"The Pig"
"Spielzeugland (Toyland)" (Winner)

"La Maison en Petits Cubes" (Winner)
"Lavatory - Lovestory"
"This Way Up"

"The Conscience of Nhem En"
"The Final Inch"
"Smile Pinki" (Winner)
"The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306"

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Razzie Awards

Here's a list of the 2008 Razzie Award Winners:

Worst Picture: The Love Guru

Worst Actor: Mike Myers - The Love Guru

Worst Actress: Wonky - The Hottie and the Nottie

Worst Supporting Actress: Wonky - Repo: The Genetic Opera

Worst Supporting Actor: Pierce Brosnan - Mamma Mia!

Worst Screen Couple: Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore - The Hottie and the Nottie

Worst Prequel,Remake, Rip-off or Sequel: (Combined Category for 2008): Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

Worst Director: Uwe Boll - 1968: Tunnel Rats, In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and Postal

Worst Screenplay: The Love Guru - Written by Mike Myers & Graham Gordy

Worst Career Achievement: Uwe Boll

Vintage Miley With Her Idol: JamieLynn

I just found this picture of Miley and JamieLynn being buddy buddy like two or three years ago, and I thought it deserved to be seen by Miley's adoring public (that means you, you perv!)

I thought it was a little ironic that Miley was standing next to the teen pregnancy cover girl JamieLynn. Maybe I thought it was foreshadowing.

Mickey Rourke Sure Knows How To Give an Acceptance Speech

Mickey Rourke won the Best Male Lead at the Independent Spirit Awards last night, and gave an uproarious speech where he became frenemies with Eric Roberts, and mis pronounced Marisa Tomei's name.

Mickey is a hot mess. If he takes his glasses off, I think we'd all die. Those glasses he's wearing are definitley hiding something is all. Maybe it's his dilated pupils, cause i wouldn't be surprised if Rourkey Was Tripping ballz during this speech.

I just hope he cusses tonight at the oscar's half as much as he did during this speech, because the oscars are so damn prissy prissy. And everyone takes them so seriously.

They need a little bit of Mickey's botched botox face brand of humor. Does that even make sense?

Nicole Ritchie, Pregnant again! WTF?

Dude, Harlowe looks just like Joel Madden!

It seems like just a couple of years ago Nicole Ritchie was poppin vicodin and driving the wrong side on the freeway. Now, Nicky Darling (I bet she calls people darling) is set to pop out her second lovechild with Joel Madden, the lead singer of Shitty Charlotte (aka Good Charlotte).

Nicole said in a statement:

"What's better than winning an Oscar? I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister! God has truly blessed my family. Hope your all feeling as good as i am right now........."

Well, I'm glad Nicole feels like she doesn't need to win an oscar, because I doubt that's happening anytime soon.

Paris Hilton would be sooooo jealous though! Wouldn't that be awesome? Nicole totally wouldn't thank Paris either, she'd smite that bitch on the stage. Paris would resort to whoring it up in Hollywood clubs trying to convince everyone that she's happy for Nicole, but if you've seen Paris' movies, you'd know that she couldn't convince Clay Aiken that he's gay.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

So Long Socks

The most beloved member of the Clinton family, feline Socks, passed away due to throat cancer. Apparantley, the kitty liked to chew.

The Clintons put out a statement, "Socks brought much happiness to Chelsea and us over the years, and enjoyment to kids and cat lovers everywhere. We're grateful for those memories, and we especially want to thank our good friend, Betty Currie, for taking such loving care of Socks for so many years."

You know this brings the tears. Whenever a kitty or a puppy gets hurt or dies i always feel it in the most sensitive place in my soul (somewhere right above my peen).

Seriously, though, if you actually read the quote above you'll notice that the Clinton's thanked Betty Currie, the presidential secretary who adopted Socks after the Clinton's moved out of The White House.

So that's how it is Hilary? You just dump your beloved cat on someone else. Socks wasn't important enough to you?

But he's so cute!!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

What the FUD?

That thing you're looking at above is not an energy drink. It's a FUD!

A Female Urination Device. It's so that biatches can pee pee standing up. HAHAHAHA.

Click Here for the official Go Girl Website.

If i were a chick I would be purchasing this item immediately. Most girls don't know the pleasure of peeing standing up (bit I for sure know some girls who can do it.) so this might just be the key to that glory.

This shit would be a bomb Christmas present. I think I'm going to get one for my mom and my sister!

And check out P. Diddy peeing below for an example of how awesome peeing can be.

Chris Brown... WTF?

It might just be over for you Chris Brown. I'm not sure you're career can withstand this.

In all seriousness, this isn't funny. It makes me sad, and sick.

Peepz. Control Y'all selves.

If you want to see the very sad picture of Rihanna then click here. I can't post that shit on this site.

Pics of OctoMommy's new Crib (hahaha so many puns!)

I Am Officially Obsessed With Octo-Mommy

I can't explain exactly what draws me to this gorgeous bat shit crazy baby lady. I think it has something to do with her excellent abilities at exploiting her life and her kids.

It's probably the fact that she does Angie Jolie better than Angelina herself.

Nadye Suleman, otherwise known as OctoMommy is looking at buying a $1.24 million dollar house.

Last week she was broke, had 14 kids, and no job.

This week she has 14 kids, no job and a ton of cash. But she deserves it, seriously.

I seriously, deep down in my heart, want this lady to be mega rich, mega famous. I want her to have her own daytime talk show. She can be like Oprah, but with 14 kids. I want the world to revere this beauty and give her the respect and love and affection that she deserves.

I don't know why I'm posting the pic below, because it royally freaks me out and makes me want to puke, but i'm sure some of y'all will get a kick (or a stretch mark) out of it.