Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Etta Vs Beyonce- Round 1

In the vein of Dunaway Vs. Duff, I now present to you

James Vs. Knowles.

Etta James, the one who made "At Last" the famous song it is, laid it out for Beyonce. Etta said, about Beyonce singing her song at Obama's inauguration:

"You know, YOUR President, the one with the big ears-he ain’t my President–had that woman singing for him at his Inauguration. She’s going to get her ass whooped. How dare Beyonce sing MY song that I been singing forever. Now I’m going to sing it for y’all….”

Dayumm Etta. You is pissed.

Well, I guess you'll be moving to Canada or Iceland now that you're no longer a citizen of the United States. I'm sure Obama will be said to see an old jealous bitch leave our country. I mean, on top of all the economic woes the country is facing (seriously, its fecked up), now this.

Oh well. I guess Beyonce will just take your place permanently, you old ass biatch.

you bitches decide whats what.

Being Obama's Campaign Manager is the Shit

David Plouffe, President Barack Obama's (That is SUPer fun to type), is getting somewhere between $1.5- $2 million to write a book about the 2008 presidential election.

Damn damnzy is all I got to say about that.

You know, I think he deserves more. Getting Obama into office is priceless. I still have nightmares about John McCain being inaugurated. For some reason, whenever I have those dreams, I end up waking up in a pool of my own piss.

I think John McCain's catch phrase "my friends" makes my bladder all warm and fuzzy, so it just flows out.

While my bladder gets all warm and fuzzy, my pee pee itself gets sad, because it knows that Sarah Palin will try and make gay sex illegal in the U.S. I have to cover my little peeny whenever Sarah Palin's name is mentioned.

I wonder if Palin ever made out with a chick at a party in college. I could totally imagine her railing a line, drinking a six-pack, and getting down with the ladies.

Christian Bale's A Bitch Remix

Here's Christian Bale being a little bitch, remixed!

Dancing With The Stars Is Going To Be Buzzing Next Season

Dancing with the Stars has been called a lot of names before. Dancing with the Has-Beens, Dancing with the D-Listers, and my personal favorite, Dancing with the Turd Monsters; but now, call it Dancing with the Drug Addicted Jackasses.

Steve-O has just signed on to be part of the season 8 cast of Dancing with the Turd Monsters. Seriously, WTF?

How fucked up was Steve-O when he decided to do this? He was probably on some mix of whip-its and crack cocaine and his manager said "Blah Blah Blah. I'm a friendly monster, do you want to come play?" He said "yeah," and next thing you know he's on the cast of Dancing with the Stars.

I guess it'll be interesting to see if Steve-O has what it takes to dance alongside a bunch of Marie Osmond/ Drew Lachey types.

Fuckery, this is not.

The rest of the cast will be out soon bitches.

Cut to 2:38 on the video below to watch Marie Osmond faint while being judged on Dancing with the Turd Monsters (I seriously love typing that).

Michael Phelps is a Wanted Man!

Turns out Michael Phelps might be doing more than just saying sorry for taking rips off of a bong.

Sheriff Leon Lott of Richalnd County, the county where Phelps puffed the magic dragon, is freaking pissed. In a statement, he said: "If someone breaks the law in Richland County, we have an obligation as law enforcement to investigate and to bring charges. The Richland County Sheriff's Department is making an effort to determine if Mr. Phelps broke the law. If he did, he will be charged in the same manner as anyone else. The Sheriff has a responsibility to be fair, to enforce the law and to not turn a blind eye because someone is a celebrity."

Seriously Lotty, chill. Pop a xanax or a vicodin, have a night cap, and shaddup!

Reefer is a personal choice, in my opinion. If you wanna get down with the dank, then do it. Fuck da police! You ain't hurting nobody. Reefer is about love not cops. Smokin the mary mary is how I got through high school. Hell, it's how I got through the month of January.