Tuesday, January 27, 2009

PETA Wants You To Have Sex With Vegetables

This PETA ad, which was supposed to air during the Super Bowl, has been banned by NBC because it's too racy.

I don't see a problem with it. I think if one woman and one vegetable really love each other, then they should definitley commit some type of fornication.

If you were wondering, I'd totally get nasty with a carrot.

I swear I've seen a dick that looked just like the carrot below. It was this dude I met in West Hollywood. He was ripped, and maybe on steroids.

DONT DO STEROIDS! You might end up with a carrot peen!

Speaking of carrot peens:

Coach Fired after 100-0 win

This is some funny shit.

The Covenant School girls basketball coach, Micah Grimes (above) was fired after he encouraged and allowed his team to destroy, demolish, and flush down the toilet, Dallas Academy.

The Covenant School girls basketball team wiped the floor with The Dallas Academy, 100-0 which wasn't exactly a surprise.

The Dallas Academy team hasn't won a game in four years. I'm pretty sure they are semi retarded. For one, The Academy brags about being able to teach those with learning disabilities, and two, they havent won a game in four years and they still have a team.

Can you imagine trying out for a team that hasn't won a game in four years? There's no way they could cut you from the team because they can't get any worse.

I'd take massive bong rips before I went to practice, because what harm could it possibly do? It's like beating a dead whale. A big stupid dead whale.

Palin For Prez in 2012!? It really may be the end of the world.

Oh, HELL NO! This biatch needs to go away. She needs to not ever be on my television screen again. She should even step down from her position as Governor and move into a house for people with disabilities, cause this bitch's brain is one double fist sized disability.

Check out her PAC website and go throw up in the toilet after words.

Actually, throw up all over your screen, all over Stupid Sarah's stupid website.

This woman is a horrible person. She lacks a fudnamental intelligence that makes her 100% incapable of being a good leader. She's corrupt as all hell (troopergate, babygate, I'm-a-stupid-fucking-idiot-gate,etc. etc.)

I don't care what she looks like, I feel like she's my Jewish Grandmother telling me to find a nice Jewish girl.

Two different worlds. No possibility of agreeing.

Here's Keith Olbermann laying it out for you.

Anna Wintour to Quit that "Vogue" Bitch

The New York Post's Page Six says that Anna Wintour (think Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, cause that character is based on Anna) might be leaving her position as Head Bitch in Charge (HBIC) of Vogue Magazine.

This is only news because Anna is the bitchiest of all bitches, and because of that, she deserves respect.

Besides, if you fuck with her, or show her any potential disrepect, she'll do one of three things: (1) She'll tell everybody whatever you're wearing is "sooooo last season." (2) She'll breathe fire in your face, singing your eyebrows so horribly small that you'll be wearing lip liner on your brows for months. (3) She'll die.
This bitch looks like she's really fragile. It looks like if you shake her hand the wrong way she might just break up into a million shards of glass.

In any case, Wintour is a goddess. She's probably even bitchier than the world's biggest bitch (Madonna), and that's enough for me to want to lick her old mama tatas.

She also makes a reported $2 million a year, so while i was giving her chi chis the oral treatment, I would have to take a look in her purse and pull out some vicodin and money. You know that bitch has TONS of vicodin in her purse.

"Thriller" on Broadway?

So Michael "I swear I don't touch children... innappropriatley" Jackon's 80's hit music video/song might be headed for Broadway.

James L. Nederlander, veteran Broadway producer, said “I love the idea of making ‘Thriller’ a musical. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy has big secret, now what…”

I know I won't go see this, but that's because I would never spend any significant amount of money on the theater when I could just smoke some pot and watch Sandra Bullock movies on FX (my fav is The Net. That shit is freaky!)

I wonder what Jacko is even thinking? Is he just waiting for his nose to fall off? Is he hoping that the show plays across from an elementary school?

I'll bet he constantly worries, when he is eating, that he's going to accidentally eat his own nose. There's no way he can feel that shard of plastic attached to his face anymore, and it would completely blend in with many kinds of soup, and and sort of chicken dish.

Though I bet it doesn't taste like chicken.