Monday, February 2, 2009

I Dream of Amy

For some reason, the pic above makes me think of Barbra Eden in I Dream Of Genie. If you rub a crack pipe, it is said, Amy will fly out and scream BLAAAAAAAAAKE! at the top of her one working lung.

So Amy Winehouse has just turned the conservatorship of her company, Cherry Westfield, the one that has all her money, over to her parents.

You know, I was thinking about why Amy would do this. And I think, and I'm almost certain, that since she is so famous, Amy gets crack for free.

She probably was like, "Ah fuck it. I gets me crack for free anymore." Then she signed the document with her crack nail (yes Amy can smoke crack from her finger nails) and then she was off.

Seriuosly, though. I guess this is a good thing. Amy doesn't seem to be able to handle the loads of money (it's over $10 million, I'm sure of that) that shes got.

I just honest to God hope that Amy's dad doesn't spend all the money on twinkies.

They are delicious, though!

Christian Bale is a Bitch

So Christian Bale lost his fucking nuts on the set of the new Terminator movie.|

Apparantley, he went nutzo when the director of photography accidentally onto the scene.

Shit, if that bitch started yelling at me, I'd kick him in the balls. Or maybe i'd just tell him he was a meanie and to get over himself.

He'd probably kick my ass Batman style, though, and that would hurt. If I even looked at Christian Bale the wrong way, he'd kick my ass. He'd immediatley see I was a scared little gay, then he'd reach into his utility belt for his gay gun, and he'd shoot my ass with acid jizz, his own, i presume.

Here's the link to listen to this bitch lose his balls.

I thought Groundhogs were small... EWWWW!

I swear I'm not a complete pussy (Just a really big one), but for some reason, I thought a groundhog was the size of a guinea pig or a mouse.

Turns out these things really are the HOGS of the ground.

Well, in any case, the groundhog told us that there would be 6 more weeks of winter.

Don't ask me if he saw his shadow or not, cause I always get that shit confused.

Looking at the large possum like creature, I realize just how retarded our country can be sometime.

How in the fuck can a ground possum tell us what the weather is going to be like? This is pure fuckery.


The only true thing this groundhog business is good for is the Bill Murray movie anyway.

I Swear I'm Not Jealous

Blogging Fattie Perez Hilton had 236.6 million page views in January.

Hot diggity damn, boy is raking in the cash!

He should give me a share of that shit, seeing as how I've contributed at least 100 million of those views.

It's a problem, I know, and I'm trying to stop, but the fat man has all the latest!

You go girl?

I guess.

Britney Just Might Cancel Her Tour

According to Perez Hilton, Brit Brit Spears has threatened to cancel her tour if her kids can't come with her.

Now obviously Brit Brit doesn't have custody of the two munchkins (SPF and JJ). Hell, Britney doesn't even have custody of herself!.

Brit is in negotiations with K-Fed to pay his ass mucho money to come along and keep an eye on the kids.

The deal will involve three houses, one in L.A., one in New Orleans, and one in New Jersey. K-Fed will get his own pad in each of the locations, plus 4 FUCKING grand a week to tag along.

Damn. I need to marry a pop star. If I got paid 4 grand to smoke weed and play XBOX, I think I'd start having to wear diapers cause I'd just shit myself.

Seriously, though. I'd start just shitting myself. I'd figure, hell, I don't have to impress anybody anymore. I've got it made. I can just sit here and lay doodies all day long in my pants. And I'll make 16,000 dollars a month doing it.

I bet Dada Spears will change Kevy's diaper. You know those two are totally golfing buddies.