Monday, March 30, 2009

Bald Men Can Get Hotties... They Just Have To Be HILARIOUS!!!

David Cross and Amber Tamblyn.


Kudos To David for baggin a 25 year old at the ripe young/old age of 43.


Now This Is Scandalous! YUMMY!

This blog will soon be changed to Britney'

Check out this call that Brit Brit made to a lawyer. She claims her dad, Jamie Spears, otherwise known as Poppa Spears has been threatening her and shiz.

You know, the truth is, he's probably just doing whatever he can to keep the girl in line.

But you know what... it's her fucking money, and her fucking life. So she can do whatever she wants. Unfortunatley.

Merry Christmas Brit!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I don't have the video

But Perez Hilton Does.

Brit Brit is high as a kite and without doing any drugs ( I assume she's sober during a tour performance... Do I assume wrong?)

Check out this video and prepare to bust a nut with laughter.

This video should win a Golden Globe, an Emmy, an Oscar, and a Grammy for outstanding fuckery.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


This shit really pisses me off.

So, the one show that I'm truly addicted to, Desperate HouseWhores, is rumored to be killing off one of it's whoriest and most lucious characters, the glorious Edie Britt (played by Nicolette Sheridan).

The producers of this show are out of their fucking minds. Edie is the only herped up whore I really care about, because she only cares about one thing: HERSELF.

Kill off Susan if you're going to kill anybody. Susan is the most annoying biatch on that show. She's like a dripping faucet, a barking dog, a fuzzy TV, and a boner at an innappropriate time all rolled into one annoying ass Ho bag.

Plus, she has long fucking eyebrows.

I don't understand the picture below, but it's the best shit I could find.

I Think Today Is No Celebrity Bullshit Day

I just wanna laugh.

Girls just wanna have fun.

I Love You Cheesecat.

Poofy Kitty Has A Question...

Why U Gotta Be So Mean?

Damien Rice

I like this.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Reason # 3243 to Not Do Blow

(The picture is actually a representation of reason # 3244)

So according to this source Lindsay Lohan is brokesville. WELCOME TO THE CLUB LINDZ!!

The only money Lindz is making these days is from personal appearances. And while she's been spending up a storm, she ain't using her own money. She's using her boyfriend Sam Ronson's money.

I don't personally give two shits about this blow hard (emphasis on the blow) but it just goes to show you that no matter how much money you make (this bitch was getting 7 million a movie at one point) you can blow it all away... on BLOW!!!

Congrats Lohan, you've acheived one of my lifelong dreams, which was to make millions and spend it all away in a drug infused frenzy.

Get a job biatch.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Obviously, my obsession with OctoMom is well warranted. Just check out the circus at her new crib!

My lady Octomom got the green light to take home 2 of her 8 newborns to the new pad she picked up in Southern California (La Habra, to be precise).

There has to be like 50 people on her front lawn right there. And there all waiting to cast their lenses, and eyes on the mommylicious, jaw-dropping beauty known as Octo Mom.

What I really want to know is, is OctoMom making her money off of all this?

I mean, people want to call that bitch greedy, but dayum, she better get greedy, she's got 14 kids to feed. 14!!!

She's like running a full-time summer camp. That would annoy the hellz out of me. Shit, I get annoyed if I even hear a baby crying from a distance while I'm in public.

Plus, you can't smoke down with babies. You can't drink with babies. What the hell are they good for?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Hey Bitches... Bow Down

I know it's completely unnecessary to post the same picture in two consecutive posts... but SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH.

Of course it's necessary. It's my latest and most dearest obsession of all time. CHEESECAT!

Look how beautiful he is. I lub him.

So i've been thinking, about Cheesecat, and I was wondering what it takes to be a spoiled brat?

What do U think?

About Cheesecat, of course, and then about what it takes to be a spoiled brat.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Have A New Boyfriend

I have a new passion in life. A new reason to get up in the morning. A new boo, if you will.

World, say hello to cheesecat.

He is the ultimate LOLCat because, just like me, and you, he also enjoys Kraft Singles.

As you can tell, he is a marvel of a cat. The way the cold cheese sits across his face, and he smirks. This cat is the 10th wonder in the world (Tommy Lee's dick is the 8th, and John Travolta's hairpiece is the 9th)

I love cheesecat.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Lohan isn't Goin to Jail Just Yet

So an arrest warrant was issued for Lindsay Lohan this weekend after the LA courts decided that she didn't complete all the stipulations stemming from her 2007 hit and run/DUI (good Combo Lindz!) arrest.

She was supposed to complete a 10 day booze program, or some shit, I dont freakin know.

All I know is that her attorney said she was fine in some statement.

In other Lezzie Lindsay news, apparantley her and her old-man (samRO) are having it out at samantha's place in LA, cause there are a shit ton of reporters and cops outside the house.

Click Here to see all the drama go down.

Those lesbians are freaking out of their minds. Actually, I think they just enjoy putting on a good show. They must. If They didn't like all this attention, they'd stop. Maybe their addicts.

No way. Lindsay... an addict?

Thursday, March 12, 2009

He's Gay? WTF?

This mother fucker just pulled some Doogie Howser shit on us. Dave "Say What Karaeoke (I dont know how the f you spell kar-E-oky)" Holmes, that dude that came in second on the "wanna be a vj" shiznat from MTV like 10 years ago, is a say what HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!

Okay, he came out like 7 years ago, but I didn't know this shit. Why didn't I know this? I should know every celebrity that is gay (no matter how minor or irrelevant) because I have to be ready if duty calls!

I'm shocked by this because I don't think I ever romanticized getting it on with this fool. I can still barely imagine him doing the dirty with a dude.

I know this will be news to many of you...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Miley's New Vid

Yes, I love this song. I checked and Miley didn't write it, so it's okay.

The vid, on the other hand, wtf?

Why is she trying to rock out against the wall to a ballad? Especially one like this. If you really look at Miley, she doesn't really have much musical intuition. She doesn't really get into the music the way real musicians do.

She's no Demi Lovato.

But, hell, she's rich as hell, and a slut. So I think she's the bees knees.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Grandma's Mini Sandwich Cremes Are Heavenly

I don't know if these little pieces of heaven are in vending machines everywhere, but I just bought a pack and my mouth is jizzing itself.

The cookies are scrumptious and the creme in the middle is divine. I think these were baked by an angel.

Wait... I figured it out.


These babies have 3.5 grams of delicious trans fat per bag. Mmmmm. Why the fuck would they ban trans fat from food in California? Don't they know how delicious it is?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Vital Information For Your Everyday Life

This was like the best part of All That. And All That was a pretty good show. And I mean that just like I said it. Pretty good.

It wasn't really good. Is any sketch show ever really good? I mean, maybe there's a good episode. Or a good performer.

Like Kristen Wigg. Pretty much anything she does is hilarious. No, I mean, everything she does is hilarious. She's the best part of Saturday Night Live. But SNL isn't a masterpiece of a show. Half of the skits suck, and Kenan Thompson just makes it that much worse of a show.

He has got to be the least funny cast member to have ever been on that show. Why do they let him on the stage? He's not funny.

Kenan was in All That. I think he did one funny skit, and it was where he played an old dude.

Kenan sucks. Why is he getting paid thousands of dollars to be on TV and I can barely pay my rent.

Oh yeah, because all I do is sit and post stupid shit like this on my blog.

Box Office For Last Weekend

They should totally make The Crotchmen into a movie!

Anywho... heres the box office numbers from this past weekend

Watchmen (Warner Bros.) $55.7 million - opening weekend
Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail (Lionsgate) $8.8 million - 3 wk total $76.5m
Taken (20th Century Fox) $7.5 million - 6 wk total $118.0m
Slumdog Millionaire (Fox Searchlight) $6.9 million - 17 wk total $125.4m
Paul Blart Mall Cop (Sony) $4.2 million - 8 wk total $133.6m
He's Just Not That Into You (Warner Bros.) $4.0 million - 5 wk total $84.6m
Coraline (Focus Features) $3.3 million - 5 wk total $65.7m
Confessions of a Shopaholic (Disney) $3.1 million - 4 wk total $38.4m
Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience (Disney) $2.8 million - 2 wk total $38.4m
Fired Up (Sony) $2.6 million - 3 wk total $13.4m

Why Would Anybody Want To See Jacko?

Okay, this fucker officialy scares me now.

I don't give two shits what he did in his past. We all know the 80's belong to this fool, and yes, his albums were, and are influential and yadda yadda.

But the guy sleeps with children and looks like a botox infused Asian woman. And his nose is falling off according to several reports. So tell me this... WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO SEE HIS CONCERT?

I don't know who i'm talking to, because I can't fathom anybody having a burning desire to see this freakshow in concert. For me, it would be like going to the circus if i had a fear of clowns. I have Jackophobia. I am afraid that I will ever run into this dude. He's scary

*shudders* x a million

Those people screaming for him are obviously all schizophrenics who have been continuously sedated for the past 20 years.

Asslee... I Mean Ashlee Simpson Is Set To Be On Melrose Place 2.0

(I know it's an old pic, but I like to think of this bitch with her old Titanic shaped nose)

It's almost difficult for me to say Ashlee Simpson now instead of Asslee Simpson. All of the gossip blogs call her Asslee, and as you can probably tell, I read way too many gossip blogs.

Well anyass... Jessica's little sister is set to be one of the stars on the new version of Melrose Place.

haha. HAhahahAHahahahaHAHahahaha (my laugh is varying from "that's really funny" to "that's amusing.")

I'm not one to make assumptions, and i've never seen the shit show straight to dvd movie Asshole Simpson was in... but I GUARA-FUCKIN-TEE This whore can't act. Fuck, she can't even lip sync the right song.

And why are they making a new Melrose Place. WTF? You can't just redo a concept and call it the same name as an old show. IT'S A DIFFERENT FUCKING SHOW! G-d Dammit. Seriously. God, I am asking you to damn this show.

It's bad enough that they did this shit to 90210 (wtf is the use of having 90210 without Brandon Walsh?) and now they're going to do it to another show. Aaron Spelling is turning over in his grave.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Sunday Morning Shoutout: Kum And Go

This Sunday Morning Shoutout goes out to my next door neighbor and good friends over at Kum and Go!

If it weren't for your $1 sandwiches and janky ass microwave, I'd never eat.

And when they say $1, they mean 1.00. Not 1.05, or 1.07, or whatever. I can't even count how many times my bashful ass has refrained from getting a double cheese at McDonalds because I only had $1. They freaking tease you. 99 cents my ass.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

This Makes Me Sad

Sarah Silvertwat and Jimmy Kibble have broken up once and for all.

According to a source, Sarah broke it off and Jimmy's peen peen is really sad sad. I feel really bad for Jimmy actually, I feel like he's probably taking this break up really hard.

I don't know, I can picture him being really depressed and moping around his 10 million dollar mansion in his boxers eating oversized bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
(That would make me feel better. Until it was gone, then i would feel like shit again. I swear Cereal is like crack. You can't stop eating it, and then, when you've had too much, you feel like the plague.)

Brit Brit and Her Boys

This picture makes me smile in the gayest way.

It's so nice to see Britney looking healthy with her two sons. I swear, I don't think she's even had any purple drank in this pic (yeah, right... I know it's difficult to believe).

But here is the loving fam at Disney World where they stopped while Britney does her tour thing.

Friday, March 6, 2009

M.I.A Did Not Name Her Baby Ickit

After several blogs reported that MIA named her baby Ickitt, which I don't think anybody thought twice about, MIA responded to the news in her blog or something. Here's what she said:




That's right everybody. Stick it!

Chris Brown Is A Great Role Model For The Kiddies... And So Is Lindsay Lohan!

Chris Brown has been nominated for 2 Kids Choice Awards.

Come now, Nickelodean, you have got to be kidding. You have got to remove his name from the nominees.

I'm sorry, I'm just sick of this sucker. I want him in jail. You can't beat the hell out of somebody, get caught, and not go to jail. Wait, I guess if you're a millionaire you can.

When kids start beating up Hanna Montana instead of cheering her on, we're going to know who to blame!

Lezzie Lohan is Loca Mad at CooCoo Katie

Remember the Lindsay Madonna pic I posted from Glamour Mag? Well, even though Lohan actually looked good in them, she's still pissed about the shoot because she didn't get the cover.

And who did? Why the lovely Crazy Katie Holmes.

Dude, it seems like all these famous bitches have done lost their damn minds. I guess I can relate, I lost my mind in the 11th grade after I smoked some bad weed, so I'm not judging, just stating the obvious.

To be honest, Lindsay shouldn't be surprised. I mean the cover talks about Do's and Don'ts. And I think putting Lezzie Lohan on the cover of Glamour after all the crazies she's pulled is a definite DON'T!

Just be happy Lindz that your pics turned out good and at least you're not married to Tom Cruise *shudders* (and yes, I hate the *emotion* type things too, but the idea of spending time with Tommy Cruise calls for shudders. But then again, so does spending time with Sam Sam Ronson.)

Do The Potty Dance Bitch

Ok, this one especially goes out to my girl Harmony because she actually loves kids.

Me, on the other hand, I'm into the grown assholes making fools out of themselves doing the potty dance. (And I also freaking love this song. That rapper is off the chain...)

This shit is marketing gold, whoever came up with this at pull-ups deserves a freaking grammy. This song should be number 1 on the billboard charts, and it's exactly what Crazy Tatiana from American Idol should have sang to win over Simon in the Wild Card. (I don't watch AI, i just catch glimpses of AI news here and there... I swear!!! Don't give me that look. I don't watch it!)

But seriously, check out the crazy bitch below. She's amazing.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Chris Brown Faces Felony Charges... No Surprise There

Don't let the puppy or that sweet little smile fool you, this dude is a woman beater.

There ain't no way around it. No way to make it sound better. Chris Brown will beat a bitch and that's a fact.

Brown has been charged with two felonies, including assault likely to cause bodily injury and making criminal threats, according to court documents.

You know, he'll probably get some sort of deal, maybe go to jail for 72 minutes or some shit, but fuck, I think he deserves at least 6 months or more. This kid needs to be taught a lesson.

The sad facts of this case are (1) that Rihanna got back with him and (2) that he's probably going to do this again.

You know how they say "Once a cheater always a cheater"? Well, I think this saying also applies "Once a beater, always a beater."


This shit is funny.

Kristen Stewart Is The Baddest Bitch

Kristen Stewart is the shit. Seriously. She could give a fuck about any of you motherfuckers. Fuck, if she read this, she'd probably say "fuck that homo." And I'd be like, hellz yeah.

Ms. Stewart said recently, about her role in Twilight, that "It would be so easy for me to send so many hundreds of girls into such a frenzy by saying I want no part of any future [Twilight] movies."

She's damn right. She's the shit, and she knows it. I love bitches like that. When I'm drizunk, sometimes I'm like that, but my cahones (balls) are only so grande.

I like Kristen for more than her gloriously "I could give a fuck" attitude. She also smokes down.

Oh, and will somebody please tell Perez Hilton to STFU (shut the fuck up). All I want is the gossip P-fat, not your broke ass opinion. I love to hate this bitch.

In this months ELLE, Reese Witherspoon drops a hint that gays across the world are going to be reading way too much into. She actually opened her wax lips about her butt buddy Jake Gyllenhall saying "He's fabulous. He really is a fantastic guy."

A lot of us have suspected that Jakey was FABULOUS since Donnie Darko, this just confirms it. I knew it and now my peen is doing a victory dance and shouting JAKE JAKE JAKE!

No, actually, my penis still has gin and tonic dick from last night and my head feels like Khloe Kardashian sat on it all night while I was sleeping.

When will I learn... To drink a water in between drinks!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Kanye, Why Are You Such A Douche?

Mr. Kan- "I'm not gay" West has proven once again what a smoke filled douche bag he is.

The rapper/fashionista/douchebag recently said these humble words:

"I do have an ego and rightfully so. I think people should have an ego. Think about it - I don't offend people, I don't put anyone down. Do I name names or bring people down? That's not my thing. But I give myself big-ups. I feel good about the music I make. God chose me. He made a path for me. I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."

His greatest pain? Whatafuckingdouchebag. I don't know how many times I can use the word douche bag in one post, but Kanye definitley will push that number to the limit.

Douchebag Douchebag Douchebag.


Besides Kanye, if you want to see yourself "perform" do what I do... use a fucking mirror.

Lohan Does Madonna... Much Better Than She Does Marilyn

I actually like this picture of Lindsay Cokehan doing Madonna. It's spot on if Madonna were a cokey, alcoholic lezzie for-hire.

Lindsay makes me feel sad, because its like we all know she will never get her shit together. She's just going to keep on boozing and blowing nose candy and eating coochie (well, the last one might not lead to her downfall... it would lead to mine though).

Let's all say a prayer for Lindsay. I pray that this Ms. Cokehan becomes a good actress and does less blow (praying for her to stop completely would be like praying for unicorns to fall from the sky... although...)

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Rihanna and Chris: The Passion, The Drama... They're Back Together Almost For Sure

Sources (and by sources, I mean DListed) tell me the couple is stowed away in the confines of The Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills.

This is some fuckery. Chris Brown should be taking it in the bum from some guy named Chainsaw. He beat a bitch, and now he's back in the lap of luxury and back in the lap of the bitch he beat.

Seriously, there is a syndrome for what Rihanna is doing. It's something where a bitch gets beat, then the guy that beats her says sorry, and she feels sorry for him, and then he beats her ass again. Well Rihanna, you've been warned by every gossip blog from Perez to this junky ass piece of shit: STAY THE EFF AWAY FROM CHRIS BROWN!

Next time that girl gets a beat down, I'll still feel sad, but I'll also roll my eyes and give her an mmmhmmm... I told you so.

This is Amazery

This is Pinky the pink dolphin. Yes, this is an actual pink dolphin, the gays didn't have one dyed for PRIDE.

Pinky is an albino dolphin, which is why he's so pink.

He was discovered in Louisiana in 2007 and he's been gaying up the waters ever since. You know all the other homo dolphins are totally jealous. I hope the jock dolphins don't bash on him.

Actually, Pinky is straight. REALLY! See, you don't even believe it, think about how Pinky feels.

Poor Pinky. I still love you Pinky. In a totally hetero, non beastiality kind of way.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Man Accused Of Stuffing Cat Into Bong

That man was busted stuffing his 6 month old cat into that box thingy he calls a bong (fuck, i've made bongs out of weirder shit).

Here's the caption from the AP "Acea Schomaker, of Lincoln, Neb., right, faces animal cruelty charges after deputies say they caught him smoking marijuana from a bong contraption, left, that had a cat stuffed inside"

I'm sorry, but this is almost an LOL cat situation. If you could see the kitty in the bong.... 420 kitty Is In UR BONG!

or Stoner Kitty Like to Hot ur Box!

I'm eternally laughing (as well as disgusted) inside.

Authorities say he will be charged for animal abuse, which he should be.