Thursday, April 30, 2009

I dumped Cheesecat. It's all about Fascinating Cat now.

Meet my new BF

Brit Brit Is Under The Evil Clutches Of PeePaw Spears

PeePaw Spears is starting to scare me.

Apparently he was the one who filed the restraining order against Sam Lufti, who, as of now, can't legally contact Brit until 2012. But Sam says Brit reached out to him for help.

And i believe the little rat bastard.

C'mon, Brit is crazy for cocoa puffs. She doesn't want some old backed up PeePaw running her life and keeping her money. She wants to blow all of that money of frappucinos and tacky clothing. And she should be allowed to!

America is the land where rich people can do whatever they want. Fuck gay marraige, and fuck abortion, I say we pass a constituitional amendment to free Brit.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

You're a pal and a confidant!

Miss Beatrice "Bea" Arthur has passed away today, April 25, 2009, at the young age of 86. She succumbed to cancer, which she had been battling for years.

This is truly a sad day. Bea was... so tall, and funny, and beautiful!

She was the depends that held the Golden Girls' shit together.

Bea was/is an icon. Rose and Blanche must be taken aback by all this! They are the last two left. The only one who can carry the Golden Girls torch.

I haven't fully registered any of this.

But thank you Bea. Thank you for being a friend.

Friday, April 24, 2009

I'm A Sociopath... Get Me Out Of Here

American's, prepare to stoop to an all new low for entertainment.

The upcoming season of "I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here", I'm almost positive, was casted by death row inmates.

The tools above were casted, although one of those douchettes won't be allowed to participate.

Rod "Sell-a-seat" Blagojevich was told by a judge that he couldn't leave the country due to his pending trial.

If you want to talk about a lack of patriotism, there it is!

That horrible judge refuses to let us gawk at the amazing head of hair on that luney-toon's head.

You should be ashamed of yourself!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Miss California... Oh Oh... Poor Poor Miss California

So the bitch said it. She said what we know 70 percent of Americans really think, but don't. Perez has been blogging shit about her all morning.

This actually gets my little pea head thinking about something besides Alec Baldwin's chest hair. This whole situation.

I mean, the bitch said "she thinks that she believes blah blah blah."

If she had told us her opinion about foreign policy would people be so pissed?

The thing is, she's a fucking beauty queen. She's stupid. She's not smart. She's a car with manual windows. She's a VHS tape! She's an arby's value meal without seasoned fries.

So I guess what I'm saying is two things:

(1) To deal with your anger at this beauty queen, remember that, she's just a stupid beauty queen.

(I'm sure if you add a little horsey sauce to your arby's, it'll bring the IQ of the meal up enough to be smarter than her!)


(2) Sarah Palin is a terrible candidate for this reason (if you'll all remember who she was, the pretty big tittied ho who ran for the vice-presidency.)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Weed Clown Lady Thing

This is my future husba...wif... my future snuggle buns!


Saturday, April 18, 2009

Brit Brit Says No To Drugs?

So the lovely Britney Jean Spears is reportedly scared that PeePaw Spears has been giving her too many tranquilizers.

According to a source:

“Britney is sure her father is out to get her and that he’s drugging her to turn her into a zombie who won’t fight back. Ever since her breakdown last year when she was hospitalized, she’s been on prescription pills to battle her panic attacks. Her doctors have also prescribed anti-anxiety drugs Valium and Ativan to deal with stress and to help her sleep. As part of the court-ordered conservatorship, Jamie has to make sure Britney takes the correct dosage because she forgets to take them otherwise. But lately she’s been nodding off randomly in the middle of conversations and is convinced it’s because Jamie’s giving her too much much."

Oh jolly gosh Brit. You are 27. If you don't want any of the good stuff, just say so.

How can someone continuously be drugged and not be able to do anything about it save cry to their friends?

Fuck, if I were PeePaw Spears, I'd be slipping half of those valiums into my own frappucino. One for Brit, One for me, One for Brit, two for me...

I bet the Spears' medicine cabinet has all sorts of goodies!

Vicodin, valium, adderall, dexedrine, etc, etc!!

If PeePaw Spears would just give her a vicodin instead of a valium all of these problems would be solved. She'd be calm and happy. DUH!

Maybe I should try and get custody of Brit. I'm the only one that can take care of you Brit!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Why Are You Gay?

I Don't Think Today's Mothers Would Want Porky Holding A Loaded Shot Gun

I Was just informed by a facebook status that today, in 1937, Daffy Duck made his debut in the cartoon you see above. "Porky's Duck Hunt"

I thought those two were friends?

Who would you rather eat?

I love me some pate! DAFFY!


Here is the most annoying commercial/PSA of 2009.

Get Yourself Tested you whores.

I seriously don't find this funny, or interesting, or well done, or artistic, or cool, or sexy, or fun, or happy, or sad.

It's fucking RETARDED! Yes, I said RETARDED. Because my politcally incorrect evaluation of this shiz is 10 billion times more interesting than this retardo PSA.

Why not say instead just give out free whopper jr.s to everyone who gets tested.

MMMMMMM. I just hope that I don't get an STD from that whopper jr.

If I Were Stranded On A Deserted Island...

It would be a tough choice, but it would be between cheese balls and Chris Pine from the new Star Trek movie.

I seriously don't understand how they did it, but somehow, the marketing team behind Star Trek has made me want to see this movie. I've never watched Star Trek, not the New Generation, not the old one, nothing.

WTF people! Get me some SCOTCH!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I Guess He's Good For Morale?

Here's a video of the first family with the first pooch, Beau, who I'm sure you've all heard about because he's getting as much media attention as Sarah Palin's illegitamite grandchild.

He's a funny lookin dog if you ask me. His paws are all floppy, but I'm sure he'd be fun to snuggle with.

Does that sound lonely?

Vintage Brit

Remember when Brit Brit was crazier than the lady who jumped in the Polar Bear tank?

Remember when her hair resembled road kill?

Remember when times were simpler?

Don't get me wrong, Brit is still cukoo for cocoa puffs, but it's just not the same when she's touring and working and stuff.

Lindsay, you are nowhere near as interesting at the gloriousness you see above.

And I will make no apologies for that!

WTF Is Up with "Hot Fries"?

I'm not sure which is grosser... Lindsay Lohan's septum, or Hot Fries?

I seriously think all people who choose this snack food item ought to be deported to a third world country. These are not a real food.

If you eat these, you might as well eat play dough spaghetti, or mud fucking pies.

Now on to more important things...

The two geniuses you see have been arrested for putting their nose elves inside the food they were serving at dominoes.

How did they get caught?

look below

Fuck these guys.


This is exactly what all of us good American's pray won't happen. It's embedded into our national consciousness the same way terrorists are.

These people are terrorists.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Literary Corner

This is Edward Albee. A Gay playwright who wrote Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolfe, and the most intensely beautiful work i've read in some time, The Zoo Story.

Please do read the Zoo Story. It's simply wonderful.

Aersol Cheese, Now In Waffle Batter

This was going to be a post solely about aerosol cheese, but while I was doing an image search I came upon a new sort of aerosol treat. Check it out!

It's Waffle Batter!

WTF? .... Waffles The Fuck!

So why do I imagine that waffle batter coming out like the tail end of a whip cream that I just took a whip it out of. You know, all liquidy, and with that nauseating texture. I still drink it, cause I can't resist that sweet sweet milkfat cream and sugar. No way. No how!

But seriously. WTF? (Waffles The Fuck!) What does waffle batter look like coming out of an aersol can. I HAVE TOO KNOW!!

I'll report back later.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Sasha Fierce, Meet Super C


This is soooo hilarious.

RnB star, singer, Ciara has just announced that she has a Sasha Fierce.

She said this on her myspace blog

I am soooo proud of this artwork! I can't wait for you to see the inside - it's crazy!!!!! Super C is my super hero name. It's who I am. It's the inner strength and drive that enables me to overcome any obstacles and who I have to be in order to accomplish my dreams and survive in this tough world.

I'm just putting it out there that this might be a new gimmick that I find Hilarious.

Let's have a whole new superfriends of RnB singers.

Justin Timberlake has to be aqua man though. Cause I'd prefer that he stay in the ocean.

That beings said, Click here to listen to their new song which is freaking great. It's a good song.

Good job Aqua Man and Super C!

Pickled Eggs

Is your mouth watering as much as mine.

I feel like pickled eggs are another one of G-d's ways of telling us that he loves us.

Thank You G-d!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Alright Bitches and Hoz... Here We Gay Again!

Due to popular request, my lazy ass is back to pumping your brains full of useless shit (really, though, Bill O'Reilly will do it ever day for free on Fox News).

Perez Hilton just posted Flo-Rida's real cell phone number.
Good luck trying to get through to that bitch.

(305) 528-2786!

And wtf? How can a rapper named Florida be popular. That shit should just be outlawed.