Saturday, January 24, 2009
Holy shit. I can't tell whether I'm horny or hungry. My dicks hard, but my mouth is salivating.
I just found out about a new, inevitably delicious flavor of sunchip: Peppercorn Ranch.
I must find these immediately. After I am done with the bag, I will staple it to my wall next to my Harvest Cheddar, Garden Salsa, Original, and French Onion bags.
This is a classic episode of Punky Bruster. Probably the only one I do remember.
The kids are playing hide and seek and Cherie hides in the fridge. Punky and her friends have just learned CPR, so they do it on Cherie as Punky's grandpa looks on.
I hate to say it, but I think Punky's grandpa was a racist. Why else would he let two 8 year olds save Cherie as he just watched.
Skip to 2:30 to see them pull Cherie out of the fridge.
This is Heidi Montag's "duet" with Britney Spears called Dramatic.
First, it should be called melodramatic, because Montag is the one that released it, and she is the most melodramatic ho-bag i have ever heard of.
Second, this song proves that Montag is worthless as a vocalist, and also proves that Brit Brit is a goddess in the studio (yes I did!).
I can't even imagine a meeting between Brit Brit and Horsey Heidi. Heidi would probably pop a breast implant, and Brit Brit would beg her to take her away from Daddy Spears so she can get some purple drank.
Everyone knows that Brit Brit loves purple drank. She never drink anything without it. Not even water! She has a special tap on her sink that mixes her water with enough purple drank to be chillin alll night.
I will never forget this commercial as long as I live.
Alzheimer's patients lose their musical abilities almost last. Well, I will hold on to that girl saying "Je suis la jeune fille" until my brain just quits my bitch.
I always wanted to order Muzzy, but it had nothing to do with learning french. I just wanted that old lady to come to my house and show me her enormous stomach boobies.
She's smiling in this picture because... (do i even haev to say it?)
Kyra Sedgwick (sp?) of "The Closer" is up for a SAG award tonight.
(For some reason, I think of a swampy ass when I hear that word SAG.)
"I said to the writers, 'I really want a lot of personal stuff for Brenda,' " Sedgwick said. "I feel like there's some of those personal quiet moments with her alone, is something that I've been missing as an actor, and I feel like the audience has been missing, too.
I bet Shannon Doroughty will think the award belongs to her if Sedgwick wins.
"I play Brenda," she'll say as she 'powders her nose.' "Ahhhhhh!"
I just imagine Shannon screaming at everyone she passes. "I'm Brenda Bitches. I'M BRENDA!!!"
Prince Harry just got his little ginger snapper dumped.
His girlfriend, Chelsea Davy, dumped him because of his crazy lifestyle.
I'll bet it was really because she was so sick of getting burned by the flaming bush on top of his head and the smaller flaming bush downstairs.
She should have just stuck it out. Think of all the money she's going to miss out on.
What a dumb-o!
I mean, if this isn't the pinnacle of artistic expression, then I don't even know what art is.
This dude is smoking a bong in his closet. That was my life story when I was 16 and 17. I smoked sooo many bowls in my closet you could scrape resin from the walls.
Except when I got high in my closet, I would blast TLC waterfalls. Cause you know that song is the straight up shit.
I never got caught either. My parents were always too knocked out on sleeping meds to give a fuck anyway.
The douche bag who won Bromance (which has yet to complete it's season on MTV) has already gone and spilled the cum about who won the contest about man-love.
Click here if you even freaking care.
Personally, the only thing I want to see out of Brody Jenner is this.
If I ever befriend Brody, I'll have to make a deal with him, where he can't talk and he has to take off his clothes whenever we are not in public.
Or, fuck it. He just has to walk around buck ass naked all the time.
Don't worry, though. He doesn't realize that it's against the law. No one told him.
He'll just have to plead stupidity in court.
That should get him off, no?
I know it'll get me off.
Hey Career Peeps.
I like doing this blog, and I'd like to make it a lot better, which I can do if I can get more traffic.
So if you've ever gotten any pleasure out of this blog, or even a cold sore, please put my url
in your status on facebook.
You can also, if you look to the side bar on your right, share my posts on facebook.
It helps out a ton y'all.
I leave you with Britney and her amazing British Accent.
Skip to 1:05
She is so glamorous.
What a twat. I wonder if she's stoned in this interview. She probably got out of jail thinking, fuck, i need some grade A coke, and some bong rips.
You know that she was even grossed out by the heroin in jail.
Lately, the sound on all youtube videos (embedded and on the site) has gone missing. It comes back for like an hour, and then leaves.
Right now, it's gone.
What the hell is up with that? They need to send me a plate of cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and sprinkles to make up for this.
Damn. I love cupcakes.
Before you read on. Please look into Nene's beautiful eyes and tell her how much you love her and respect her. Also tell her how rich she is (you better if you want to keep your cahones).
Well, DListed just told me that Nene hates Kim Zolcock and Kim is totally fronting.
Kim said to People magazine, "I am actually waiting on NeNe right now. We are buddies. When the filming stopped, we had a glass of wine, talked and it was great. I miss her.”
But Nene said hell no and responded, "Kim says that we are friends now, oh really? Well, I never make the same mistake twice. We can squash the drama, but we will never be friends. She is not a good friend. We can be associates, but never friends.”
All I can say is that I will have to take Nene's side in any pending war.
Kim, I love your wig, but your just not Nene enough for me.
If you do, you're like a bad Christian or something.
God totally lets his kids watch Lezzie McGuire and shit.
He probably even listens to her new albums and is surprised at how edgy they are.
But he's totally cool with it, cause he totally wants to bang her.
Although this was already known months ago, the blog rags are talking about Paris "let's fuck in my pink bentley" Hilton's next season of BFF.
Personally, being BFF's with Paris would probably like being friends with a mannequin. They would probably have to give you her remote control, because everybody knows she's a robot (Her personality gives it away.) I wonder how much the Hilton's paid to have this herpasauraus rex made?