Monday, January 26, 2009

That Ape is talented

Their band's cover of Electric Feel is spot on!

Stoners Keep McDonalds Rich

Just sit for a moment and allow your eyes to indulge on the sweetness of a McDonalds 99 cent double cheeseburger. Nobody knows if it's the delicious "fried in lard" taste that makes it so scrumptious, or the glorious price of 99 cents.

So apparantley, McDonalds profits have jumped 80% over the past year. Let me just tell you, I work another job blogging about the economy, and this is a fucking feat.

I imagine (or do I remember?) stoners swarming to McDonald's and filling their cars with McChickens, Double Cheeseburgers, and apple pies (and sundaes, and small drinks, and small fries).

I think I know how Mickey D's did it. Now, when you go to McDonalds after the inside store closes, they only serve a VERY limited menu. No McChickens, no apple pies, and i hate to say it, but yes, no double cheeseburgers.

So not only does your ass have to pay two extra dollars for a quarter pounder, but you can't even enjoy the sanctity of a double cheeseburger. WTF?!

Maybe the whole country is in recession because of this. When everybody is baked or hammered at 2 a.m. and they pull over thinking they're going to spend $1.05 on a value menu item, they get fucked and have to start using their credit cards to pay.

And that shit will add up!

That being said, I have thought about living off of double cheeseburgers. I'd probably have to put a layer of wax around my asshole to keep it from burning off, but hell, double cheeseburgers are BOSS!

Mickey Rourke Set to Become A Wrestler

I find this to be a titillating story.

Mickey Rourke, who is on track to pick up the best actor oscar for his work in The Wrestler is actually going to try his hand at wrestling.

Accoridng to Rourke, "The boys from the WWE called me and asked me to do it. I said, 'I want to.' I'm talking with Rowdy Roddy Piper about it... Chris Jericho, you better get in shape, because I'm coming after your ass."

Now this is what I call decent family entertainment. Watching two freaks of nature duke it out in speedos.

I just hope that Rourke's face doesn't completely fall off. Speaking of his face, how the hell can he be in the sun? Won't his face melt off? It looks like it's already started to, actually.

I just hope he'll be kind enough to recycle the material it's made from and not pour it down the drain!

Paul Blart! WTF?

Here are this past weekend's box office results

Paul Blart Mall Cop (Sony) $21.5 million - 2 wk total $64.8m
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Sony) $20.7 million - opening weekend
Gran Torino (Warner Bros.) $16.0 million - 7 wk total $97.6m
Hotel for Dogs (Paramount) $12.4 million - 2 wk total $37.0m
Slumdog Millionaire (Fox Searchlight) $10.6 million - 11 wk total $55.9m
My Bloody Valentine 3D (Lionsgate) $10.1 million - 2 wk total $37.7m
Inkheart (Warner Bros.) $7.7 million - opening weekend
Bride Wars (Fox) $7.0 million- 3 wk total $48.7m
Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The (Paramount) $6.0 million, 5 wk total $111.0m
Notorious (Fox Searchlight) $5.7 million - 2 wk total $31.8m

I am exremely dissapointed with you America. For the second weekend in a row, the top movie in this great nation has been Paul Blart Mall Cop.

Though I have not seen this movie, I can assure you that it is crap and whoever saw it will probably be tortured in some circle of hell (as if seeing it wasn't bad enough).

Movie critic darling, and food enthusaist, Roger Ebert had this to say, "It's as slam-bang preposterous as any R-rated comedy you can name. It's just that Paul Blart and the film's other characters don't feel the need to use the f-word as the building block of every sentence."

I don't know what you mean by Slam-bang Roger, but for me, that involves banging.
And what kind of movie doesn't use the f-word! WTF? What kind of un realistic fantasy world is the movie trying to convey.

You know what I say: Fuck you Paul Blart. Fuck you, and you're stupid name, and you're stupid job. Fuck fuck fuckles fucksworth you.

Dang, bitches. Start seeing better movies.

Lucy Liu was on 90210

I was reading her Wikipedia when I noticed that she was on a 2nd season episode of 90210. Of course I immediately went to youtube and dug it out.

I almost couldn't tell it was her, but she was the only asian in the scene. I wonder if Brandon boned her? Probably. She was probably begging for some of that Preistly peen.