In this months ELLE, Reese Witherspoon drops a hint that gays across the world are going to be reading way too much into. She actually opened her wax lips about her butt buddy Jake Gyllenhall saying "He's fabulous. He really is a fantastic guy."

A lot of us have suspected that Jakey was FABULOUS since Donnie Darko, this just confirms it. I knew it and now my peen is doing a victory dance and shouting JAKE JAKE JAKE!

No, actually, my penis still has gin and tonic dick from last night and my head feels like Khloe Kardashian sat on it all night while I was sleeping.

When will I learn... To drink a water in between drinks!