Miss California... Oh Oh... Poor Poor Miss California

So the bitch said it. She said what we know 70 percent of Americans really think, but don't. Perez has been blogging shit about her all morning.

This actually gets my little pea head thinking about something besides Alec Baldwin's chest hair. This whole situation.

I mean, the bitch said "she thinks that she believes blah blah blah."

If she had told us her opinion about foreign policy would people be so pissed?

The thing is, she's a fucking beauty queen. She's stupid. She's not smart. She's a car with manual windows. She's a VHS tape! She's an arby's value meal without seasoned fries.

So I guess what I'm saying is two things:


(1) To deal with your anger at this beauty queen, remember that, she's just a stupid beauty queen.

(I'm sure if you add a little horsey sauce to your arby's, it'll bring the IQ of the meal up enough to be smarter than her!)

and

(2) Sarah Palin is a terrible candidate for this reason (if you'll all remember who she was, the pretty big tittied ho who ran for the vice-presidency.)

Weed Clown Lady Thing

This is my future husba...wif... my future snuggle buns!


I STILL LOVE YOU, TOO CHEESECAT!

Brit Brit Says No To Drugs?

So the lovely Britney Jean Spears is reportedly scared that PeePaw Spears has been giving her too many tranquilizers.

According to a source:

“Britney is sure her father is out to get her and that he’s drugging her to turn her into a zombie who won’t fight back. Ever since her breakdown last year when she was hospitalized, she’s been on prescription pills to battle her panic attacks. Her doctors have also prescribed anti-anxiety drugs Valium and Ativan to deal with stress and to help her sleep. As part of the court-ordered conservatorship, Jamie has to make sure Britney takes the correct dosage because she forgets to take them otherwise. But lately she’s been nodding off randomly in the middle of conversations and is convinced it’s because Jamie’s giving her too much much."

Oh jolly gosh Brit. You are 27. If you don't want any of the good stuff, just say so.

How can someone continuously be drugged and not be able to do anything about it save cry to their friends?

Fuck, if I were PeePaw Spears, I'd be slipping half of those valiums into my own frappucino. One for Brit, One for me, One for Brit, two for me...

I bet the Spears' medicine cabinet has all sorts of goodies!

Vicodin, valium, adderall, dexedrine, etc, etc!!

If PeePaw Spears would just give her a vicodin instead of a valium all of these problems would be solved. She'd be calm and happy. DUH!

Maybe I should try and get custody of Brit. I'm the only one that can take care of you Brit!

Why Are You Gay?

I Don't Think Today's Mothers Would Want Porky Holding A Loaded Shot Gun

I Was just informed by a facebook status that today, in 1937, Daffy Duck made his debut in the cartoon you see above. "Porky's Duck Hunt"

I thought those two were friends?

Who would you rather eat?

I love me some pate! DAFFY!

JUST FUCKING TELL US YOU FUCKZ!

Here is the most annoying commercial/PSA of 2009.

Get Yourself Tested you whores.

I seriously don't find this funny, or interesting, or well done, or artistic, or cool, or sexy, or fun, or happy, or sad.

It's fucking RETARDED! Yes, I said RETARDED. Because my politcally incorrect evaluation of this shiz is 10 billion times more interesting than this retardo PSA.

Why not say instead just give out free whopper jr.s to everyone who gets tested.

MMMMMMM. I just hope that I don't get an STD from that whopper jr.

If I Were Stranded On A Deserted Island...

It would be a tough choice, but it would be between cheese balls and Chris Pine from the new Star Trek movie.

I seriously don't understand how they did it, but somehow, the marketing team behind Star Trek has made me want to see this movie. I've never watched Star Trek, not the New Generation, not the old one, nothing.

WTF people! Get me some SCOTCH!

I Guess He's Good For Morale?

Here's a video of the first family with the first pooch, Beau, who I'm sure you've all heard about because he's getting as much media attention as Sarah Palin's illegitamite grandchild.

He's a funny lookin dog if you ask me. His paws are all floppy, but I'm sure he'd be fun to snuggle with.

Does that sound lonely?

Vintage Brit

Remember when Brit Brit was crazier than the lady who jumped in the Polar Bear tank?

Remember when her hair resembled road kill?

Remember when times were simpler?

Don't get me wrong, Brit is still cukoo for cocoa puffs, but it's just not the same when she's touring and working and stuff.

Lindsay, you are nowhere near as interesting at the gloriousness you see above.

And I will make no apologies for that!

WTF Is Up with "Hot Fries"?

I'm not sure which is grosser... Lindsay Lohan's septum, or Hot Fries?

I seriously think all people who choose this snack food item ought to be deported to a third world country. These are not a real food.

If you eat these, you might as well eat play dough spaghetti, or mud fucking pies.

Now on to more important things...



The two geniuses you see have been arrested for putting their nose elves inside the food they were serving at dominoes.

How did they get caught?

look below



Fuck these guys.

DEATH PENALTY.

This is exactly what all of us good American's pray won't happen. It's embedded into our national consciousness the same way terrorists are.

These people are terrorists.

DEATH PENALTY!