May Your Nightmares Be As Brilliant As This

Edgar Allen Poe with moving lips and old fucking film. This is golden!

Bitty Betty

Betty White is on top of her game lately.

She's making appearances on late night, taking hits on a Snickers commercial, and telling Rue Calahan to stuff it!

Betty White is the Beyonce/Michelle Williams/Kelly Rowland of the Golden Girls.
She's a survivor. She's not gon' give up. She's gon work harder. She's a survivor. And she'll keep on surviving.

To continue, this blog wants to also give props to Betty White. Because it is cool to give props to Betty White!

Of the bottom two videos, one will sooth your heart, and one will stimulate your prostate.

You decide which is which.

The Most Interesting Things Going On In Entertainment...

I was at the house of my parents recently, and as I was hidden away in their food closets (making rounds between the fridge), I pulled out a jar of peanut butter, which I began to spoon like it was Brad Pitt (circa the 22 year old Benjamin Button). And as I was eating this peanut butter, I noticed something extra special about it. Something you just don't come across everyday.

When I check the bottle, I nearly fainted (but i actually just kept on spooning it). It was honey roasted peanut butter. It was like they put all of the sugar of honey roasted peanuts into my peanut butter.

I was happy, my dog was happy (i put a spoonful on his nose), and my jiggly tigglies were happy (i put a spoonful there for good measure... thanks dog!).

Best Drunked Speech of 2010 Goes To...

Mariah keeps it real... real drunk.

After drowning all of her troubles (i.e. weasel husband, bad cover of 'I Wanna Know What Love Is,' is a little piggy) in a third apple-tini, Mariah gave this wonderful acceptance speech at the Palm Springs Int'l Film Festival (don't quote me on the title).

I think all speeches should be given drunk. These celebrities need to realize that it makes us feel better about ourselves when they slur their words.

If I were going to start a philanthropy, it would focus on getting celebrities hammered. It would be called DRUNK.

(There's no acronym there, it says what it means.)

Watch the queen of drunk speeches below, and may she rest in peace.

Mrs. Cruise, I'm Trying To Watch K-Stew and R-Patts

So Katie Holmes walks in to this joint, a New Moon screening in New York, and she's all, talking with her friends throughout the entire movie.

Was she on the bad shit?
Maybe she was just malfunctioning. Tommy probably forgot to upgrade her to Windows 7!

Why didn't Suri lay down on this biatch?

Anyways, below is a reenactment of Katie at the scene.

She's Still Got It

Janet outdoes Britney. No question.

This Song Encourages Victorian Ideals

One man to one woman. This is bullshit. BULLSHIT!

As if every woman needs a man. Those 4 lovely ladies don't need those three greasy boys and their gay gay papa. They need to learn some skills! You know, some useful skills to make them productive citizens.

If you ask me, Alice was the only biznatch with any sense. That broad kept that house spic and span. That's not easy to do with SIX (count 'em), SIX ungrateful, smoking, broken nosed, jealous, stupid (the little girl), horny (greg), pubescent, and ugly (...) brats.

If you ask me, they ought to update this show and make it useful to kids today. Hit the books. Become a doctor, and don't do blow! (I'm looking at you Marcia!!!)

Those awful Brady kids could have learned a thing or two from the other on-air family.



Now I know they both sang and danced, but at least the theme song to the Partidge Family doesn't encourage prostitution!

Be Free. Be Jonas

There is now an unoffical 4th Jonas Brother. Some Spanish dude lost his cahonies and rushed the stage at a JoBro concert in Madrid.

"Ay Ay Ay. Caliente," he thought before he lost it and jumped the stage. Dude actually has some good stage presence. Much better than the ugly one, or the diabetes one, or, well, any of them actually. Give this dude a record deal!

A Test

Quiznos Is Only Good For A Little While, Then You Have To Switch

What is it with these "real" pictures that make food look so unappetizing.

I feel like asking what companies do to their food to make it look so appetizing is one of those questions you start to ask with vigor, and after a while, you lose interest.

WE NEED TO TAKE A STAND!

What sort of delicious chemicals are being put into commercial food and why aren't they putting them in my meal?

This is what a Quizno's commercial meatball sub looks like:



Come to think of it, for 2.99, I don't care what it looks like.