Christian Bale is a Bitch

So Christian Bale lost his fucking nuts on the set of the new Terminator movie.|

Apparantley, he went nutzo when the director of photography accidentally onto the scene.

Shit, if that bitch started yelling at me, I'd kick him in the balls. Or maybe i'd just tell him he was a meanie and to get over himself.

He'd probably kick my ass Batman style, though, and that would hurt. If I even looked at Christian Bale the wrong way, he'd kick my ass. He'd immediatley see I was a scared little gay, then he'd reach into his utility belt for his gay gun, and he'd shoot my ass with acid jizz, his own, i presume.

Here's the link to listen to this bitch lose his balls.

I thought Groundhogs were small... EWWWW!

I swear I'm not a complete pussy (Just a really big one), but for some reason, I thought a groundhog was the size of a guinea pig or a mouse.

Turns out these things really are the HOGS of the ground.

Well, in any case, the groundhog told us that there would be 6 more weeks of winter.

Don't ask me if he saw his shadow or not, cause I always get that shit confused.

Looking at the large possum like creature, I realize just how retarded our country can be sometime.

How in the fuck can a ground possum tell us what the weather is going to be like? This is pure fuckery.

PURE FUCKERY.

The only true thing this groundhog business is good for is the Bill Murray movie anyway.

I Swear I'm Not Jealous

Blogging Fattie Perez Hilton had 236.6 million page views in January.

Hot diggity damn, boy is raking in the cash!

He should give me a share of that shit, seeing as how I've contributed at least 100 million of those views.

It's a problem, I know, and I'm trying to stop, but the fat man has all the latest!

You go girl?

I guess.

Britney Just Might Cancel Her Tour

According to Perez Hilton, Brit Brit Spears has threatened to cancel her tour if her kids can't come with her.

Now obviously Brit Brit doesn't have custody of the two munchkins (SPF and JJ). Hell, Britney doesn't even have custody of herself!.

Brit is in negotiations with K-Fed to pay his ass mucho money to come along and keep an eye on the kids.

The deal will involve three houses, one in L.A., one in New Orleans, and one in New Jersey. K-Fed will get his own pad in each of the locations, plus 4 FUCKING grand a week to tag along.

Damn. I need to marry a pop star. If I got paid 4 grand to smoke weed and play XBOX, I think I'd start having to wear diapers cause I'd just shit myself.

Seriously, though. I'd start just shitting myself. I'd figure, hell, I don't have to impress anybody anymore. I've got it made. I can just sit here and lay doodies all day long in my pants. And I'll make 16,000 dollars a month doing it.

I bet Dada Spears will change Kevy's diaper. You know those two are totally golfing buddies.

Bruce Springsteen Teabags America

Bruce got a little to into his Superbowl Halftime Show (or not into it enough, depending on who you ask).

Check out "The Boss" sliding his package into the camera.

Jessica, It's Okay To Be A Cow

Dear Jessica,

I post these pics out of admiration for your luscious thighs, which seem so plump and edible beneath those leather pantalones. I want to cook you over a charbrolied flame, put you between a bun and put ketchup lettuce etc. all over you.

Love,
Todd Michael

Michael Phelps hitting The Biz-ONg

Now, this may come as a surprise to all of you Career Peepees, but me likes to hit the bong every now and then (a.k.a every day).

But I stand before you today, with the hope and vision, and the assurance, that I too, can one day become a Gold Medalist in the Olympics.

Super sexy Michael Phelps (any of you who say he has a butter face can eat his dorsal fin) was busted toking the bong at a some party.

Bitches claim that Phelps was drunk and stoned all night long.

HELLZ YEAH! What a stallion.

Apparently, Phelps' manager was begging some publisher not to publish these pics. Phelpsy might lose millions in endorsements.

That's okay Michael. I'll support you on my poverty line salary and massive debts. We'll live together and you can work your back stroke on me all night long, drunk and stoned.

P.S. Mikey, I only hit the kind bud.

Watch the vid below! He strokes me crazy.

John Mayer, you should try this!

I only wish that John Mayer's beautiful smug asshole was getting the smack down laid on him by a cop.

He's totally the kind of idiot who would go flip off a cop.

"Waiting on the world to change"

I'm Loving It... But Jessica is Not

I'm sorry Jessi"fat" Simpson, but I think the whole fat contraversy is hilarious. I mean, i've known a few girls to get fat in the day, and sure, everyone talks about it, but when it happens to Jessica "Is Tuna Chicken" Simpson, it's just too amazing.

I don't see why the Brilliant Blonde even gives a shit. She's got tons of money and she's smarter than Einstein! Why doesn't she just tell everyone to F*$# off and shove another fifty dollar burger down her throat, that would make everything better.(I wonder what kind of mayonaisse Jessica puts on her burgers? I like garlic flavored.)

Besides, if skinny little bitch Ashley ever gets ahead of herself, Jessica can just go back in the books and show her whats what. Jessica is the reason Ashlee is famous at all.

If it weren't for Jessica, Ashlee would still me poking bitches eyes out with that ten gallon nose of hers!

Jessica, just love your fat ass. I'm sure you and Tony can stay up all night eating barbecue ribs and sweet buttered cornbread.

mmmm.

By the way, the burger with all the wonderful onion rings on it, is the U.K.s most expensive burger. They sell it at Burger King and it costs 85 pounds ($170!). I think it would be well worth it.

File this under: WHO GIVES A F$#@!

Danity Kane, Puffy's Making the Band girl group, has broken up.

Member Dawn Richard said,"As of right now, [Danity Kane doesn't exist]. It's devastating for me."

Poor Dawn. For one, I couldn't tell you who she was if I had a picture of the group in front me (Even if you took out the luciuos tomato known as Aubrey O'Day). Also, I doubt that Puffy gives two shits about this group going on.

The only thing Puffy cares about is money and fashion.... well, maybe just one thing.

Danity Kane wasn't the shittiest group ever, but they were pretty take it or leave it.

I guess Puffy decided to leave that shit.

Besides, the only girl group that ever really mattered on the Bad Boy Label was Dream.

OMG! I loved Dream. I wanted to be a member of Dream. I would have bought their CD if it weren't for the whole "I swear I'm straight" attitude I was going for at 13 years old.

Here's the lovely ladies of Dream doing their thing in the This Is Me remix video.



fuck it, I'm posting He Loves U Not too, because I love both of them almost as much as I love Casey's Pizza.

If you don't know what Casey's Pizza is, it's a gas station pizza chain that's only in the Mid-West. It might just be in Iowa. But they have a canadian bacon pizza, where there is an entire layer of canadian bacon.