Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ashlee Asshole Simpson needs to Shut Her Stupid Mouth

"Damn, look at Jessica's huge ass!"

So some fattie mcFatFat pictures of Jessica Simpson are making the rounds and the "super talented" younger sister of Jessica, Ashlee, decided to open up her stupid bitchy mouth

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

Ashlee should never try and be diplomatic. The only thing she's good for really, is being a total bitch to McDonalds employees (see below).

Besides, women totally love to read about celebrities getting fat. It makes them feel better about eating an entire box of ice cream bon bons, or oreos (or for some of you big mamas, both).

Remember when Ashlee's nose use to be a big fattie? How can someone who had their entire face reconstructed be surprised that society is concerned with image.

I say, if you're fat, fuck it. Eat it up. Wear assless chaps. Stuff your mouth with delicious potato salad and totino's party pizzas (I love Totino's Party Pizza's more than I love my own parents, sorry mom and dad).

As long as Asshole Simpson shuts her big fat mouth, we have no problem.

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