Thursday, January 29, 2009
Paris, Stop Lying. We all Know You're a Few Herpes Short of an Outbreak.
Paris Hilton, whose in London being the BWF (Biggest Whore Forever) to everyone, is trying to convince people that she's NOT stupid.
Let me repeat. Paris says she isn't dumb.
Huh?
Ms. Legs Wide Open for Business said, "For five seasons I was stuck doing this character. It was kind of hard always having to play that character when it's not who I am."
She also said, "I just say jokes but they think I'm serious, which I think is funny...."
I don't have time to take this too seriously, but just so I can prove my point, I'm going to post a couple of Paris' interviews below.
You be the judge.
Seriously. Dumb as a rock.
RIP John Updike
John Updike, author of A&P, died of lung cancer on Thursday.
Born in Pennsylvania, John Updike graduated from Harvard summa cum laude (that's really good) with a degree in English.
His stories have inspired since the 60's and they continue to do so today. |
He is a staple in American fiction.
His last name is slightly hilarious, too.
SUPPORT CAREER PEOPLE people!
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Thanks. and here's a little vintage Brad to show my appreciation.
Kim Kardashian... STFU
So Kim "My ass is the size of Alaska" Kardashian had to open her stupid fat lips, emit air, and vibrate her vocal chords once more. KK had to chime in on the whole Jessica Simpson fat ass fiasco.
Khloe Kardashian's older sister said this, ""I actually love the outfit. I think she looks amazing. I love high-waisted jeans, I loved that belt, and her hair looked fabulous." Kimmy, I think you need your eyes checked.
Wait No! You need your brain checked if you think that Jessica's Mom Pants outfit was anything but apalling.
Let's just throw Kim and Jessica both into a big tub of Hostess Cupcakes, where they will eat themselves to death. They will probably have to fight to the death, though, cause Kim's big ass isn't going to share with Jessica's fat derriere.
It will be the battle of the asses!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I Don't REALLY Like This
For some reason, I can't fully decide how much this cover of Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye" sucks. It was done by the uncomparable (uncomparably bad) singer Scarlett Johanson.
It sort of makes me want to tell her face to shut itself with some rubber cement. But I guess maybe Scarface is getting better?
Maybe I'm losing my edge!
Fuck Scarlett anyway. Here's the most beautiful song out right now. It's off of Britney's Circus album and it's called "Out From Under."
Brit Brit is deeeeeep!
I have a Heart On For Kevin Zegers
So I just found out that Kevin Zegers is going to be in the new remake of Bonnie and Clyde. Oh yeah, and Hilary "I'm too good for drugs" Duff is going to be in this bitch, too.
I have been in love with Kevin ever since I saw the original Air Bud when I was like 10.
The Air Bud movies are absolute masterpieces! They have everything you could ever want in a movie. (1) Kevin Zegers. (2) A Golden Retriever. (3) A Golden Retriever who plays sports and wears cute little doggy uniforms.
If anybody cares to disagree with me, then they need to look below.
Also, some funny ass shit. When they told Faye Dunaway that Hilary Duff was going to be playing her role, she replied, "Couldn't they have at least cast a real actress?"
Sorry Duffy, but you're no Meryl Streep!
Is There Anybody That Really Cares About These Douchebags?
Okay, so they're both beautiful, really rich, and famous, but why do I care more about the rocks that get caught in the spaces underneath my shoe? (I do love to pick them out.)
So, while US Weekly is saying that these two avocados (just go with it) have quit each other, Star magazine says that they're still bumping each other's pits.
John's car was spotted parked at Aniston's house all night long. Jen probably just bought the exact car and had a replica of his license plate made so it LOOKED like they were still dating. She probably even have some sort of John look alike that drives it away every now and then, just to keep it all real.
In reality, we all know that Jen was crying, watching her screener of Benjamin Buttons. She really starts balling when they make Papa Pitt look 20.
"Me wants Bwad bwad's peepy," she probably cries into a gallon of Costco marble vanilla ice cream.
I wish I was at a CostCo right now. I seriously used to go there for lunch. There are free samples at every corner, so it's like a smorgasbord of imitation crab salad, saugsages, and cheese sqaures (mmm. imitation crab salad!)
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